It's a rainy Day and the history of the Gym
It's a rainy day and i feel great. No, no, i'm not some
baby-eating goth lunatic. I just feel great because
unlike the rest of you weather-influenced, serotonin
deficient apes, I can feel great in the presence of a
tornado. I walked around and realized to my delight, that
there wasn't a single shirt-less guy in sight.
Furthermore as I went from class to class I realized i
felt quite refreshed. i took the sweet econ exam and even
got the grade back today (i got a 96 cos i KNOW you all
fucking care) but i'm psyched. hhhhhmmmm, i ran and of
course my machien was in use but it was ok because i could
read up on the times magazine from Feb 4th.
Me, John, and Ryan took our usual trip to the gym that
afternoon and now the gym........i don't think i've
mentioned it much. Here's a history:
John and I started lifting in our freshman year. For a
part of the first semester our friend Nate came with us,
which seems so weird to me now....I went weight-lifting
with a guy that tours the country now...hhhhmmmmm, dude
that's so sweet, wow i'm so open-minded :-). So then
after a while nate got bored and it was me and john again,
pretty much up until this semester when ryan joined us.
It's great because john and i label most everybody in
there. now the people in the weight room are just
monstrously, muscularly-mutated, megalomaniacs......blech!
they constantly stare at themselves in the mirrors and
wear sleeveless shirts. they do more weight than they can
just to look strong. they're just retarded. take a frat
guy, now give him a lot of steroids and wash it down with
a keg and poooooof you have a gym guy.
Now as i said john and i name the people that go there.
The Staff - mainly the fat mexican guy that "greets" you at the
entrance, by biting his lip (because i think he can't speak). I
don't know what they're there for, all they do is sit there. We
could put a sack of flour there, put an orange shirt on it and we'd
save a lot of money.
Buck tooth guy - some fucking skinny redneck motherfucker
whose teeth protrude so far from his cranium that he'd
make the perfect household accessory (namely a can-opener)
Giraffee guy - some monkey minded motherfucker whose face
resembles that of a giraffee.
T & A - Tits and Albino. Some girl with huge (fat) tits
and her boyfriend who beats her. He's so fuckign white we
call him albino.
Steroid eating black guy - He pumps the weight like the
bar's a ho-ho, and then screams and shouts like he's on
some sort of acid trip.
Gym Girl - the most hideous "thing" ever. i 600 lb land
monster wiht no serious definition. just draw a circle
and through some jelly on it and you have her.
Emily from afar - a girl that looks like my friend emily
from afar but then all resemblance ends once within 5 feet
Satan - When he's not in the netherworlds he's pumping weight at war
memorial gym. He's this overconfident greasy gay fuck. He eats
creatine like it's candy and has arms twice the size of the rest of
his body. When you look at his eyes you see the prince of darkness
laughing at you and if you jump infront of him to use some equipment
he tears off your head and eats your soul.
Chub-a-licious - These girls that wear they're fucking tank tops
even though they have a hairy ass beer gut. Only they can invoke a
sarcastic comment from two such amiable guys as ourselves.
2 hour runners - Almost always girls. They're on the fucking
treadmill from 5-7 thinking that if they completely exhaust themself
for one extended perioid of time they'll be able to fit into their
jeans. What they don't know is that they're body says "fuck no" and
they usually never come back.
Obnoxious Overachievers - these are the guys that put 500
lbs on the bench press lift it up once, crush their
sternum, snap their back, rip every muscle in their body
and never come back again.
1 timers (also known as Resolutionarers) - these are the
morons that think that all of a sudden they're going to be
arnold fucking schwarzenegger, they're skinny or whatever
and feel unhappy with themselves so they come to the gym
for 2 weeks don't see an improvement and leave....gooooood
yeah there are many more, but then again i don't want to
So then we went to dietrick and i swear. If ANYONE with
any sense of decency sat near us we'd get our asses kicked
every time, hardly do we ever have convos that don't
degrade some sort of affiliation, race, religion, or god
knows what. Hell it's funny and we have a great time and
if you're offended then go eat somewhere else! go eat west
end and listen to the fucking stupid ass sorority
bitches. oh whoooooooooooooooops, haha, i SWEAR that came
out by accident. i'm not mean, i'm just selective as to
who i like.
Walk back in the day that didn't rain. and it's cold, but
it's ok, because i go bowl and it's alright. ja, ja, it's
a good day.
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