Life according to Luvie..
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2002-04-03 17:36:34 (UTC)

Rainy Day

Dear Diary,
Today the weather is bringing me down. I feel this lack of
company. I don't know. I feel lonely and I shouldn't.
Technically I'm not.

(smart word of the two weeks: technically)

I have someone special and great friends. Usually when it
rains, I get this boost of energy and am happy. I guess in
reality I am becoming what I have always dreaded: normal.
NOOOOO!!! I feel it cry from the depths of my soul. I have
for about four years now prided myself on being different
and difficult, never settling for being a part of the

Today I feel like I should just be a part of the crowd.
It's the weather I tell ya. I hate it. I really do right
now. Maybe if I let this mood pass I will feel better.

On an even more depressing note, Charlie is getting a job.
At some pizza place called Cici's. I hate them if they give
him the job. I mean dammit, we won't see each other
anymore. I'll be working and so will he. I am happy for him
because he is doing it so he has money for prom, for us.
AND HIMSELF. I don't want him to do it for anyone but
himself. I don't think I have that much power over him
anywho. I do, I just don't flaunt it.

He has the same power over me. Each day I feel so much
stronger being with him. He makes me realize the goodness
in me. Easter Sunday was spent with him. He was really
great. We took our first shower. That thought cannot cheer
me up today. Not today. I feel so bad. Like I can't lift
myself up. I wish I could smile. And have it mean
something. It won't mean something until I see his face
looking at me and asking if I am doing ok. Then hear him
say that I am being duuuuuuum.

Ok now I'm semi-smiling. That's besides the point. I still
feel down inside. Oh I am letting go of Eduard. I took his
pictures down from my wall. I still have the poem. I can't
let that go because frankly, he meant too much of a friend
to let go. I almost cried last night. The weather has
accented my emotions. Weird. But this morning I didn't let
him get to me. I just kept on being to myself in Charlie's

Princess was dumped today by her "beautiful" Red. I knew it
was going to happen. I warned her. She had this look of
total disbelief. I felt so bad for her, yet I was
vindicated. I was right and victorious. SO THERE! Take
that! She would gloat about being so happy now she is miserable. I
don't want to be there for her because then I'll fall for her again
and I can't be with her. I do and I don't. The only women I have ever
loved is not available to me. Princess shall ever remain
my "princess" but for now she won't have me listening to her
sympathizing with her. I warned her. Oh well.

Hmm...I guess I just want to be happy. I will be. Once I
get some food. I haven't eaten since last night. All I had
was a M&M McFlurry. Wooo! Yea I wish I had one now. School
is great. Oh yea...that is where I am right now. Laterz.
Love always,

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