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2001-05-21 05:05:19 (UTC)

Ally Takes A Bath

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA - Ally, 18, decided to take a bath
today for the first time in 16 years. Because of this, the
water supply in the state of California has plummeted.
Ally attempted to take her bath in a bath tub, but could
only get her left toe in the tub. She then went to Sea
World, but was thrown out for scaring the dolphins. Ally
turned to the Pacific Ocean, and took her bath there. As a
result, the state of California has lost a great amount of
water, and all of the sea life along the southern coast of
California has been drowned.

Marine Biologist, Susan Pickledick, says "It's really a
shame, the beluga whales had just come up to spawn, and
one of them attempted to spawn with Ally. I could see how
it was convinced that Ally was a whale. Unfortunately, as
the whale swam towards Ally, the water got shallower and
shallower, and it drowned. It was a horriffic site."

Gov. Grey Davis has declared a Stage 3 State of Emergency
throughout the state of California. Ally's bath has taken
its toll nationwide, as citizens from New Mexico to Maine
find themselves unable to purchase soap or shampoo at their
local markets. President of Pert Plus, John Sucksalot,
stated, "A week ago, a large customer came in our store and
bought half of our shampoo supply." This customer was Ally.

Gov. Grey Davis stated, "I will not rest until California
has the three basics of life back: water, shampoo, and
soap. I have worked out a trade deal with China where
they will ship us 25 tons of shampoo and 11 tons of soap in
exchange for permission to built a nuclear base in
California." President George W. Bush turned this down.
When interviewed, he stated, "Yes, we do need shampoo and
soap more than anything, but read my lips, I am not a
crook."


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