Ad 0:
2001-05-21 04:24:05 (UTC)

I told everyone i wasn t going..

I told everyone i wasn't going to whine... but i just want to talk about
Sam a little bit. But before i even do that... I just want to say that I cant
believe i got a response already, even if it wasn't a particularly positive

Sam used to play in my school's jazz band, but he's in highschool now.
He's Russain, and he's already grown a beard even though he's fourteen.
Perhaps i come across like i take myself too that's
nothing. He seems himself as "a broken stick...on the ground." yes
indeedy... "the crimson target upon my brow subjects me to the infinate
taunts of the fortunate" ... "sam... are you complaining about your acne
again??" "yes.."

Sam played Alto Saxaphone in the jazz band last year. I have taken his
position.. i am "the next sam". And next year, a young hopefull will take
my position... become the next Jessica. Yeah... i'll call myself Jessica..
that's not my real name. People say i look like a Jessica. Alexei, btw,
didn't do shit before he was thirteen. He'd snorted Sweet n' Low. What a
rebel, eh? ok ok.. unfair.. i'm not saying that you have to be some sort of
failing drug addict to be arebel or anything of the sort. But he really
thought he was a rebel, and he'd write incredibally serious poems about
sweet n' low.

Needless to say... he's a complete pot/acid head now. He's in an art
highschool, after all, you know. But, to my satisfaction (it's really
disgusting how jealous i can be) , he's never kissed a girl. and he has a

Perhaps you're not intrested in Sam.

And yet... you're intrested in me?
(that's an assumption i've made, if you've bothered to read this far)

I do not wish i was dead... i am not spiritually connected to Kurt Cobain...
i am not in love with a thirty-year-old picture of Jim Morrison.

i really dont wish i was dead.

but every time i look at a picture of Jim Morrison from his first album
phase, i want to cry. because he's dead. And hes' so beautiful... but he's
gone. gabba gabba gone.

i am going to a radiohead concert. thank god for thom york and his
weird, lazy left eye.