It'll All Work Out Someday.......Hop
2001-05-21 03:26:13 (UTC)

What's Wrong With Me?

It all started last summer, the summer of 2000. You know
how everyone was excited about the new millenium and how it
was supposed to be everyone's favorite year? That really
was my favorite summer. The best I've ever had, in fact! We
have a summer home in Wisconsin, which is on a lake, and we
spent the whole summer there. At first I hated it! I didn't
know anyone, and I wrote to my friends from Illinois
everyday telling them how much I hated being there. Since
my dad worked down in Illinois still, he came up on
weekends, and an occasional week here or there, so it was
really hard on my mom to be away from him for so long,
especially with five kids! I wasn't helping at all with my
terrible attitude of not wanting to be there. I'd complain
that I hated it and wanted to go home to my friends. I
thought everyone in the small town of people were hicks and
there was absolutely not a teenager around for me to be
friends with. My mom started to get discouraged, because I
made her feel so guilty, and my dad go so mad at me for
making things so hard for her. "You should know better",
he'd tell me. This didn't make me feel any better, either.
Every night, I'd make plans to run away, and never come
back home. Well, this caos lasted for the first 3 weeks of
my summer, then I started going to the church youth group.
I met a lot of teenagers, and they actually seemed to like
me. The best part was, they weren't hicks! They were the
some of the coolest people I'd ever met! I started going to
the youth group and going to their beach parties, and
really liked it. They were fun! I even held a few of my
own, at my house. One day, the shocking news came from the
Youth Pastor. She was leaving. Jamie-Lou was going back to
school to finish it up. Well...her going away party started
out great, I hung out with some of the other teens, and we
had a blast. When we went up for food, in walked this guy.
He stood right behind me in line, and when I saw him I
nearly fainted. He was sooo hot! I asked Renee, a girl I'd
become quite good friends with, who he was, and she told me
he was Justin Wise, a seinor at our Youth Group. I had
never seen him, and she told me that he was an E.M.T
(emergency medical technision, paramedic in training), and
he was usualy on call. After a few minutes of waiting in
line, he tapped me on the shoulder - I almost died!
"Hey, why wasn't I invited to your party last week?", he
"Oh, I invited the whole youth group. You must not have
been there when I told everyone, sorry." Oh, I had to have
another party so I could invite him. "I'll invite you to my
next one, for sure!"
"Ok, I hope so" Well, the next week, I had a party, and
invited him. We waterskiied, boated, tubed, swam, and just
hung out. It was so much fun! Justin started coming to my
house more often, and we did a lot together, until
eventually, everyone we were friends with considered us
dating. Our relationship went on for several months, even
when I went back home, we called and wrote eachother,
frequently. One day, he started to act differently. I don't
know why, but he just changed. I didn't really pay
attention to it, but after a few weeks of him not calling
or returning any of my several letters, I wondered what was
up. Renee talked to Justin, and told me that he said he
didn't like me like that anymore, and that he didn't really
want a girlfriend, right now, that he didn't want to hurt
me. When Renee told Justin he should tell me that, himself,
not just leave me hanging, he told her he didn't want to
tell me, and asked Renee to tell me. She told him she
wouldn't, but ended up telling me anyway. I was upset about
it at first, but after a while, I kind of gave up on
Justin. Although, I still had that little bit of hope deep
down inside me, hoping that he'd just call me or write me a
letter. I moved on, eventually liking some one else at my
school. Some one my own age, whose name was Jeff. Jeff was
single, and I just liked him for a while. On Valentine's
Day, Jeff asked my friend out, and they went out for about
a month or two, when she dumped him. She was just bored
with him, and wanted something new - Jenny didn't know I
liked him. The next month we had a turn-about dance, where
the girl asks the guy, and I wanted to ask him. I wrote it
out on a basketball, and threw it to him while he was at
volleyball practice. He called me that night with the news
that another girl, Lauren, had asked him already, about
half an hour before I did, and he already told her yes. He
told my friends, and his friends that he liked me more, and
would rather go with me, but I don't think he meant it. I
heard rumors that he planned to ask me out after the dance,
but they never came true. He started ignoring me in the
halls, instead of our usual conversations. I gave up on
him, too. About that same time, I was sitting at home one
night, working on stuff in my room, when I got a phone
call. I answered, and heard the male voice ask for
Stephanie. "This is her", I replied.
"Hi, Steph. This is Justin." I almost fell over.
"I'll be right back, lemme switch phones, k?"
"OK" he said back. Oh, the sound of his voice was like
heaven to me! We talked for over an hour, just talking
about anything and everything. I should have been mad at
him, but I wasn't. I was just overjoyed!! He actually
called me back! My first real love called me back after
several months of forgetting about me. Well, that was the
last time I heard from him, until a few days later, when I
got his graduation invitation in the mail. I tried to get
ahold of him, to tell him I could come, but he was never
home. Eventually, I just left a message on his answering
machine. My story is not over yet! There is a boy, whom
I've known since 6th grade - Kris. I'd liked him a little
in 7th, then in 8th, and a little bit part of my freshman
year, but when my friend tried to set us up, he said he
didn't like me. When I was at the mall one day, I saw him
smoking with his friends, and at school I started hearing
nasty rumors about him, which I knew were true. He started
to like me, and I noticed it. He asked me out a couple of
times online, and I turned him down each time. The third
time, I told him "No, Kris, I just got over a damaging
relationship, and I'm not ready for another relationship,
right now. Sorry" He took it well, and we moved on. I still
missed my Wisconsin friends though. I loved them more than
my friends in Illinois, well, other than my best friend,
Erica. Speaking of Erica, she had so many problems in her
family. Not her or her parents, but her older brother. He
did terrible things, and was sent to juvi and military
school, several times. He still wouldn't change, though.
Erica's parents were devestated, exhausted, and mad. Erica
was hurt by it too. I could tell. Her whole personality
changed, and it was a sad one. I tried to cheer her up, but
it wasn't working. We had to have a sleepover, so we could
talk all night. Whenever either of us have a problem, we
talk to eachother and feel much better! That's why we're
best friends! We hadn't had a sleepover, or even a small
time to talk for over 3 months, and we both knew we needed
it really bad!! We finally, found a day to have it, and my
family brought her to Wisconsin with us, for a weekend.
That's where we are right now. Thanx.

What's wrong with me? Why do guys want to meet me when they see me,
then end up hating me. I try to have a good personality, and all the
girls at school say I'm really pretty, and have a great personality,
but why do I still not have a boyfriend. No one has even asked me
out, except Kris. Why? Everyone says that guys are just intimidated,
but I don't understand why the girls who are prettier and cooler than
me get guys, and I don't! Why aren't they intimidated by those girls?
Right now, I don't like boys! They are all mean jerks! Well, the ones
I know at least! Why can't just one of them be a nice guy, and love
me! And not be so mean and jerkish? Why can't I find one? Why?