Blue Castle reverie

Photograph

Thursday evening I'm scheduled to have pictures made.
Which I'm obsessing about way too much. It's just that I
never take good pictures. And In the scheme of things,
that's a pretty smal grievance, but just for once, I'd like
to have a picture of me that really looks like me, and
that's really good. I just have that special knack of
squinting at the wrong time, or forgetting to brush my
hair, or just looking generally vague. And these are going
to be my "senior portraits", and I'm hoping against hope
that they'll actually be good. We already did senior
pictures, last summer, through the school. And they
sucked. A lot. They made me cry, because I don't want
that to be how people see me. I just want one REALLY good
picture, one that I'll want to show my kids, or grandkids,
and say "that was me", or that my grandparents will want to
show off to all their friends, one that a boyfriend would
be proud to carry in his wallet, and one that I can always
look at and see myself, and think "thats who I am".