Meshed Up
2002-04-03 01:11:26 (UTC)

boring love problem

i'm getting quite fed up. why is it that everything i do is
just bloody wrong? why is it that everything i do gets on
nelson's nerves? it's 11 in the morning, i literally just
got out of bed, and here i am...ranting already.

okay so i drink. big deal. what's so wrong with drinking?
it's not like i drink myself to death and make a fool out
of myself. i've never been drunk in my entire life and i
don't plan to do so because drunkards are just absolutely
ridiculous. what's so wrong about social drinking? a beer
or two won't kill me. just give me a bloody beer belly.

look people, i'm not close with anybody here in melbourne.
most of the friendships i have here are superficial and
shallow. but shallow friends can still go out with each
other and hang out right? shallow friends can still go
drinking together. because we don't drink ourselves to
death dammit. the people i usually hang out with are very
sober and very sane people. they don't go out to drink and
make bloody fools out of themselves like some other people
i know who pretend to be high just to get attention. they
irritate me.

nelson and i are too different from each other. i don't see
what's wrong with going drinking but he gets all worked up
about it. there are other instances too that somehow rubs
in that we are two different individuals with almost
opposing principles, rights and wrongs. i've never loved
anybody as much as i love nelson...but i'm afraid that one
day he'll just get up and leave me. he has bore too much
already. i don't even know why he's staying by my side! i
mean, i'm everything he DOESN'T want in a girl!

fine. he can do whatever he wants. but if he crosses over
the line and sleeps with another girl then it's over. i'm
going to give him his freedom.

i'm a bloody 17 year old in a new world. i'm going to spend
today -- the whole friggin day -- with family and i
absolutely dread it. tomorrow, i shall go play basketball.
and perhaps on friday or saturday, i shall go rock
climbing. i've never experienced rock climbing before. i
have a feeling i'll be feeling all sore and weak when i get
back from there.

for now i'm going. i've bored you guys too much already.
i'll probably write back later or tomorrow with hopefully
something more inspiring and thought-provoking. yeah sure.
pfft. we'll see about that.