Mandy Kay

Tales of Life as a Good Girl
2002-04-02 22:58:10 (UTC)

Metaphorically Returning My Prom Dress

Current music: None.
Current mood: Heartbroken.

My day was terrible...I just screamed at my brother,
which I feel bad about but he just gets to me, he should
know better...it helped. but boys hate me and I want to die.
But first the good news. Yes I asked Matt to go to
the banquet with me. He said YES and I nearly died. We
went and it was quite lovely...he is such a gentleman
and...well right now I can't elaborate because it will only
remind me that I want what I will never have. Ever. But
yes, he opens doors, and meets my mom, and says I look
nice...he cleaned out his car, walked me up to the door.
(Which was sooo akward but cute.)
Today I found out he asked some girl to prom.
Fortunately I have nothing against her at all, but check it.
Matt: I don't think I'll find anyone to go to prom with me.
Her: I'll go with you.
Matt: Really?
Her: Sure.
Matt: Ok.
Just like that, or that's how Ela told me it went
down. I promised myself over and over and over I would
never cry over him and here I am, such a Baby with a
capital B. In a minute, I'm gonna go, probably listen to
some love stinks music and put this in perspective.
At least I have my friends... I love you
guys...really. Natalie...you're going to prom with your
Matt..it's so cute!! but you, Amanda, Fallon, Ela, Darcy,
everyone.. yall just get me through the day. McCall, even
so far away you always make me smile, and sometimes I dial
your old number...I miss you more than I ever said I guess.
Now herein lies my patheticness- I decide as soon as I
hear this, nope, I don't like him anymore. I won't. And
as soon as I think this, almost as if he's scanning my
brain, right on cue, comes Matt, and he starts talking to
me. I have already had the day from hell, and it just made
it too much for me to want to deal with. I'm catatonic
with the torture of teen life, and he just puts his face
right in front of mine and goes, "What's wrong?" Though
the correct respone is, of course, "I love you and I can't
have you. if you only knew," I say, I had a bad day.
Whereupon he is just Matt as usual, poking me and goofing
around...my heart just melts and I start to laugh. He
says, there's that frown going upside down and smiles his
smile and sits down. Tasha just kinda looked at me and
goes...uh huh. THAT made you feel better, I'm sure. Well I
guess, considering it reinforces my zero willpower.
The only hope I have is that he doesn't know that I
like him. I have spent the last six months of my life
adoring him, and hopefully he doesn't know, otherwise that
would mean he doesn't care. I find his whole situation
with the girl ironic, that I would give a toe to go to prom
with him, and he doesn't think anyone would go. Ha! I
know now that I need to tell him how I feel, at least to
say, you are wonderful, NEVER doubt it.