lucciEstar

in the starz
2002-04-02 20:52:47 (UTC)

040202

so last nite i went to see mike and i was like wanting to
but not wanting to but iwent anyway. my grandmother thought
that i was at the gym witch isokay but when i got home at
about 3 or so she as just yelling at me. im not a five year
old i am an adult and am responcible and i know what im
doing. yes it isnt my car and yes i live in her house but i
would like to have som freedom i never go anywhere an i
know that she doesnt see it that way. i also o know that
she is acting different becuase chris is here and that
shouldnt be but i guess thats just human nature. and i
honestly think it sucks. i dont know how i can handle this
shit anymore. i am so sick of being tied down like im a
little girl. im not a little girl. i need to live my
life. i need to move out and i need to get a new job. i
have an interview at three today and ihope that i get
hired. and i hope that she will possibly let me work full
time. that would be nice. i put on the app that i was
applying for apart time but i need to get my money stack up
again and i need to deal w/ everything. i need to get a car
and i need to be able to pay for car stuff and i need to
deal w/ moving out and all that stuff. i need to start
living my life. i think im really going to go and deal w/
CSUN and live in the dorms and everythin. that sounds tite.
but it is a lotta money to go there and i know that. i
think that i need to get out on my own. i was talking to my
former teacher and she said somethig about PCC and how they
have a better prgram than CSUN and i think im going to look
into that. i will see what i can do but i would like to get
all the stuff that i HAVE to get done first here. so then
when i can move out and stuff then thats that. and i will
already have a car and a place to live an then i can just
get my work done and get on w/ my life. i know that it
wont be easy but thats just life. i hope that i can deal
w/ these choces that i am going to be making but i have to
make a choise and i love ASL and i love the ppl that i have
met so far. i met a woman at work the other nite and she
was cool. they usually are. hehe.. there are some deaf ppl
that hate hearing ppl.and i guessi can understand that but
i mean ..for the most part they are cool. i hope to see
that woman again i need someone to practice w/ you know.
its hare to actually become fluent w/ a language when you
cant practice on anyone. i hope to see her again. i need to
assert myself. i need to get my act in gear and just focus
on work and school. but on the other hand isabel wants
totake this road trip that i would like to go on and she
wants me to go and everything. and like it would only be
for a few months. and i think that it will be good for me
to see the states and everything. i mite just find what
fits me and then you never know. you know. shes had this
thing planed out for a while. i REALLY want to go and
iwant to have a good life while im young. i want to get
around. i want to see the world. i want to learn what
its like to live..... im stuck... i dont know what
todo.. UGH... ill just have to sit and think about it... i
know that i will make the rite choice....

KGR




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