HelloKitty

Life as I know it.
2001-05-20 21:53:07 (UTC)

rambling

Yeah so i didnt figure out anything to do today, which is
bad cause i keep thinking about matt, which i so wish i
wouldnt do. I miss him so much...I try not to, but I do.
I wish he were dead then at least I would have a reason to
miss him so much and then I wont be jealous when he dates
someone else--thats what im really afraid of, that I am
going to be so easily replaced, that how much he said he
loved me he said to all the other girls in his life, that
our relationship meant nothing to him, but meant everything
to me. I'm scared to death not to have him in my life, not
talking to him will be hard enough, not holding him, not
feeling him against me when im sleeping is the worst part,
thats when I feel truly alone in the world. I shouldnt have
gone out with him, then i wouldnt have gotten hurt, i hate
hurting. WHoever said that it was better to love and lost
than to have never lied before smoked a lot of crack cause
id rather have never loved because then i wouldnt know what
im missing out on right now.




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