Autumn Always
Ad 0:
2002-04-02 16:03:05 (UTC)

Novel of my week....

Lord I've been busy. Super busy. I have barely had time for
myself. I'm SOOO thrilled I have today off. I'm going to
clean my room before it gets out of controll. I'm getting
my hair dyed later thank god, I just havent had the time
for it, I'm going to see Dad briefly, and relax and
possibly see Lynn later tonight. I haven't had time for any
of my friends recently. I just have to be patient. Working
10/11 hour days make it hard. But I feel like I'm
prevailing. Rachel, following true to characture IS making
it hard for me every chance she gets, but for once I feel
untouchable. The other day for whatever reason, she decided
to second guess me and then gave me a lecture on making
sure the dogs in kennal A and B got their walks. Did she
not see me with dog on leashe in hand walking them? She has
to MAKE things up to pick on me. So of course she went to
Tracy and said she didn't think I was walking the dogs.
What is THAT all about? And of course Tracy, again just
doing her job came and talked to me about making sure they
got walked. I was beyond livid. It's like how dare you snap
at me, YOU aren't mym boss and just because your'e in a bad
mood why does that mean I have to take the brunt of your
piss ass attitude? Who do you think you are? I swear I was
seeing red. I bust my ass at work and this little bitch has
the nerve to try and make me look bad after how hard I
work, for WHAT reason? Well, I had had it. The next day
still furious I asked the doctor if I could talk with her
when she got some time. Finaly we sat down in the afternoon
and I just told her straight out. I said look, I'm having a
problem with one of my coworkers and I want your addive,
you know Rachel better then I do. She hasn't liked me from
the start and that's fine, not everyone will like you in
life. But I want your help in finding a way to make things
change without her even knowing. And I told her, the more I
confront her and try to talk to her about it or if you say
anything to her about it, the less she likes me and its
even worse. I feel like I can't win. And I then explained
the situation of the other day and she to my utter surprise
was on my side. I could'nt believe it. She then proceeded
to tell me I had nothing to worry about, she said that
every one up here has heard nothing but wonderfull things
about me, and she knows how hard I work back there and how
I've been killing myself trying to do the best I can. She
said everyone has excellent things only to say. I was
stunned. And so damn proud too. This is the first job I've
ever had where I actually feel appriciated and justified.
She then told me about how she thinks Rachel is jealous of
me and that because I'm overachieving so well she thinks it
probably makes her lazy shortcomings look even worse and so
then she feels like she wants me to be on her level. I was
just so surprised by the whole situation. She said everyone
knows how she is and that there's nothing anyone could say
to her or anyone else and have them believe it because
everyone see's how hard i work. I mean I really felt proud
of myself. I got what I wanted off my chest, I got awesome
reassurence about how I'm doing, and for once in my life I
felt like someone was supportive of me. It really made
everything better. I suddenly feel like, go ahead wench do
your worst, your pettiness can't touch me. I DONT have to
defend myself, because everyone DOES see whats going on.
Work is even better now. I still have to deal with Harriet
moving like a sloth, and Jeanie and her highschool friends
not doing anything and Darla not doing anything because she
claims shes too "big" and all that but it no longer bothers
me. I went in on Easter even though I wasn't schedualed to
work because I didn't want to leave Jessie with just the
highschool kids. I helped out for 4 hours and got as much
done as I could so she could get out of there sooner. I'm
in the middle of cleaning the kennels ( an unbelievebly
long and physical project we do everyday) bymyself and
Harriet comes in and asks me to come with her quickly. She
pulls me into the cat room get this, to show me a cat
hiding in a pillow case. I had an Alley McBeal moment. I
sae myself shaking her at inhuman speeds and then tossing
her out the wondow. Get your chattly ass out here and help
me with this friggen kennel so we can go home. Grrrr.
*sigh* All in all I still love it. And Easter was nice. We
had dinner at my grandmothers and when I came home I saw
Patrick for awhile and that was nice. So much to do and so
little time. But I'm getting there. This is the third week
on Zoloft, so far nothing much has changed. I seem to do ok
during the day but again at night I get moody. The only
reason I am sticking this one out to see if it will help is
because I can deal with the side effects. I'll give it
maybe a month or too more and continue to hope. God I hope
this is the one.... And lately I've been taking Dad to this
old abandoned house that I know of. Its SOOO much fun. I
want to do some research and find out why Edith left it the
way she did. EVERYTHING is still in this 5 story mansion
out of the early 1900's. All her clothes and papers,
furniture.. there are still dishes in her dishwasher,
toilet paper in the bathroom, it's like she just walked out
and the place was borded up and thats it. AND she was HUGE
in this town, there's a street here named after her, she
was into EVERYTHING. In my cemetary she has a HUGE
monument. Looking through all her bankbooks and what not I
can see she was into all kinds of charitys and what not.
Had she NO one to take her house? Her things? I'm dying to
know how it came to be that way. I was ransacked briefly in
1980 something and its been like that since. Thats all I
know. She must have died shortly before because I find good
house keeping magazines from the early 80s. It's so
fascinating to look at all her things and wonder about her.
The house is AMAZING. It's gorgous. Huge and built so
lovly, with large glass french doors and spiral stair
cases, window seats and rooms that connect to rooms and
tinyy hidden cabinates. It's awesome. It's like stepping
back into time. I find letters from 1938 from friends, all
written in very proper english. It's just so facinating. We
love to go in there and just poke around and take pictures.
I love exploring. We might do that today. Wow. I've said
more then a mouthfull. But this is the first time I've had
to really catch up. I don't count my bubblegum alter ego on
my other diary. While it's vaugly written on truth it's
pretty much just for fun and i only update it briefly. So
I'm going to run for now, Dad is here and I need to get
dressed and eat. Then I'm getting my hair done, then I hope
to go explore and then maybe see Lynn and maybe a million
other things. I'll write soon...