just me, kitty

sometimes i can imagine...

i'm kinda over the whole thing with jason... i think that i
told you that already. i met this guy online though. of
course i've never really met him. but he's sweet and fun
to talk to. we usually talk for hours online. but any
way. i kinda like him... a lot. well the main of this
entry is my newest and greates poem. enjoy.

Life is worth living

Sometimes I imagine
What it would be like to
Gently glide the
Glinting blade into the tender flesh of my wrist
Sometimes I imagine that it is relaxing
Sometimes I imagine that it is painful
Sometimes I imagine that it is ugly
Sometimes I imagine that it is gainful

Sometimes I imagine
What it would be like to
Lovingly hold the
Bright flame
Sometimes I imagine that it is tingling
Sometimes I imagine that it is burning
Sometimes I imagine that it hurts more than not
Sometime I imagine that it releases a great yearning

Sometimes I imagine
What it would be like to
Lightly pull the
Trigger of the powerful gun held at the back of my neck
Sometimes I imagine that the end brings peace
Sometimes I imagine that the end brings sadness
Sometimes I imagine that it makes me remember the goodness
Sometimes I imagine that I only remember the badness

Now I imagine
What my family would think
That they lost their little girl
They so wanted to keep

Then I imagine leaving the blade in its case
I imagine the fire on its candle
I imagine the gun were it will never be used by the whole
human race

Sometimes I imagine
The many ways
That I could make my life happy
So others could see that I can succeed
Sometimes I imagine that I will prosper
Sometimes I imagine that my efforts are in vain
Sometimes I imagine that all is as it should be
Sometimes I imagine that trying would help people to
understand the feelings I thought better to be contained

Sometimes I imagine
Being loved
By all those who care
Is all that I will ever need
Sometimes I imagine the love of others helps me along
Sometimes I imagine that it holds me back
Sometimes I imagine the love gives me a great understanding
Sometimes I imagine that this is all that I lack

Sometimes I imagine
Most important of all
What I must do to get through
All the horrible things that happen
Sometimes I imagine I can get through it all
Sometimes I imagine all attempts fail
Sometimes I imagine I can recover
Sometimes I imagine the pain consumes me so, that I begin
to wail

Sometimes I imagine
That life
Is always worth living
Even in the toughest of times
Sometimes I imagine that through living I return the favor
of those who gave me life
Sometimes I imagine that I can’t repay all the kindness
Sometimes I imagine that I can make others happy
Sometimes I imagine that I am forced to go into the world
suffering an unending blindness

Sometimes I imagine
For every question that comes my way
I must fight so I can find
Just the right answer
Sometimes I imagine that I get it right the first time
Sometimes I imagine I just can’t figure it out
Sometimes I imagine that I can ask for help
Sometimes I imagine that my final answer fills me with doubt

Sometimes I imagine
That life can’t always go
The way I want it to
Even when it seems that I have control

Then I remember
More often than not
Bad can be reversed to good
And then
When I have found my right answer
I can move on
And succeed in living.