It's my world, I let you live in it
2002-04-02 05:07:09 (UTC)

A new way to whine

I am starting this diary because it will be easier for me
to keep up with it and write in it all the time. In other
words, it's a new way for me to whine about all of my
problems! :) I am just sick to my stomach right now. I am
talking to Jason and he is telling me that he misses me,
but I can't trick myself into believing that lie once
again. He hurt me so much by what he said and did and now I
don't know what to do. Do I let him see me again? Do I keep
him at a distance? Why do I constantly let people hurt me
like this and then pretend that it never happened? I want
someone in my life right now but not someone that is going
to make me happy one day and then make me cry the next.
Then I start to wonder if there is really someone out there
for me or am I holding out for someone that isn't there? I
cry at night because I feel like I am the only person
without someone out there. I mean I don't even have someone
to go to prom with me. No one wanted to even ask me to
prom. Heck, I asked 2 people and they didn't want to go
with me! What is wrong with me? Ugh! I refuse to go to prom
by myself, but I really want to go. I want to go like
nothing else. I have the dress and the hair appointment,
but I don't want to be the loser that couldn't get a date.
I want to be beautifl for one night, if that's possible.
Well I am going to go now because this is getting
depressing. I will update on all this later.

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