daydream disbeliever

Mad Ramblings From a Blithering Idiot
2002-04-02 04:58:54 (UTC)

Sick of Myself

I'm sick of smiling and saying that fucking baby is
cute when it's the ugliest, saddest, biggest waste of human
chromosomes ever created. I'm sick of saying that outfit
is cute when it's tacky. I'm sick of agreeing when I long
to roll my eyes and make a snide remark. I'm sick of
pretending to be someone I'm not.

I want challenge, I want trust, I want friendship, I
want acceptance.

I'm sick of being ostracized. I hate it when people
stare at me because of my cynicism. I'm a fucking cynic,
deal with it. I'm sarcastic, deal with it. I have to deal
with you shoving God and your tacky opinions and
Appalachian idiocy down my throat. Grant me the freedom to
be myself. I deal with you with no complaints, give me an
inch or two. I won't take a mile.

I want independence from my anxiety, my depression,
and my own innate geekiness. I hate it when you all look
at me like I'm a freak. I hate it when I get shy and
tongue-tied. I despise my bashfulness. I hate that tiny
thread of optimism that forces me to go on.

I'm so damn sick of being myself. What's it like to
be someone interesting and loved?