Meshed Up
Ad 2:
2002-04-02 04:33:08 (UTC)

life and death

i should be doing work as usual. i should be. but of course
here i am writing in this online journal again. i did a bit
of work just now...but then..the lure of the computer and
the internet are just too strong to resist.

a friend told me last night that he has lost some of his
motivation. when i asked if it was because of a girl he
said, 'some parts of it yes. what else is there in a teen's

what else is there in a teen's life aside from love and
heartbreak? the search for self, the struggle for answers.
here we are, walking this path, feeling like the world has
weighed us down. but we grow up..and we look back...and
everything seems so petty.

a relationship could mean the world to us. people commit
suicide because of relationships gone sour. we cry our eyes
dry, write poems and sad songs. time passes us and we start
hating the one we promised to love forever. we reflect and
wonder what we saw in that person; wonder why we wasted
nights lying awake, crying, thinking about the love that we
used to have.

life seems like just a waste of time. a waste of money and
effort because in the end, there is nothing. we go through
life with troubled minds and troubled hearts but we realize
that all our troubles are just...nothing.

in my home country, a teen actor died last sunday. he was
only 23 and he was going to marry this other actress. he
died because of a heart his sleep. heart
attacks happen to old men...not to men who are only 23
years old.

it's a bit scary when you think about it. death could come
and grab us any moment. sometimes we take for granted the
assurance that we feel knowing that we will wake up the
next morning.

and the next question follows almost immediately. where do
we go when we die? what happens to us? do we just vanish
into thin air and float endlessly among the many things in
the universe? or are we born again as a different creature,
destined to walk this earth for all time. 'eternity is a
wasteland.' do we float out of our bodies, clad in white,
and rise up to the skies to meet our Maker. do we plunge
down to the core of all things possible and suffer the heat
of hell?

i suppose this is why people embrace religion. religion
somehow gives answers to the questions that we have been
asking since the beginning of time. it's the opium of the
masses. we blindly believe because things are simpler that
way. believe and thou shall be saved.

i am a christian. a blind believer as well. i am not a good
christian in the sense that my thinking and the way i live
my life are still not in accordance with God's. but i will
never exchange my faith for anything. i will not sacrifice
eternity just to be 'intelligent' and 'open-minded'. the
wise, after all, do not question if there is a God. they
know there is a God.