Jencaero

Happy Noodle Boy Rox!
2002-04-02 04:13:35 (UTC)

bagsdagsdgasd

well shes reached the end thats where katie is and thats
where change is and she wants it and i want it and why
live and why this and why god and why doesnt she let me in
her life why are things always better somewhere else
someplace else why dont i have a heart and why am i the
way i am. and the words are just thoughts surfacing and
well you know no you dont but there arent words for
anything and i cant think and i cant know and i cant
fucking dream this whole existence thing is a fucking
dream and contemplating is just for fun its all a game its
all a fucking charade thats all my fucking life is and now
im crying and no one fucking cares is it all about fucking
endorphins im so fucking smug WHY THE HELL AM I and where
am i and who, who am i and im 15 and i dont know it and im
having a crisis here because im here and i want to wake up
want to exist but i dont let myself i just lie here and
separate myself and it doesnt help and i havent found what
im looking for and will i and is there god this is one
hell of a run on sentence but damnit DAMNIT whys it gotta
be like this why why why my favorite fucking question and
im so fucking out of myself and i feel it i know it but i
dont KNOW who i am and i want to belong somewhere i want
to belong and to love and to be and to live to live but
its hard and im not me thats the whole thing ive never
been me ive never been inmyself or so it feels and im
sitting here and i still dont know WHO i am and i dont
know what to fucking do man, man what the fuck is it. and
i cuss and i cuss and i get nowhere and i think and I GET
NOWHERE because i KNOW i die everythings gotta end right?
or wrong i dont want it to i dont i dont i dont i get
nowhere i am nowhere im so lost i dont know if im on land
in water or in the air because i could be on all three..
my feet are tired im suffocating and drowning all at the
same time and i feel it and i think it but do i think
thinking
do i think i say i say do i think though
damnit i dont need punctuation
i dont need letters
i dont need me i dont need you
but yes i do
i need someone i need someone and i need some friends and
i need this and i need that and the people over in somolia
are starving and this guy got murdered and that girl got
raped but im so desensatized that i dont even care much
anymore and im so self centered that i DONT CARE and i
dont have a heart does anyone does anyone and does anyone
live or is it all a joke
yeah i live this live and wake up to someone saying april
fools you SUCK man you SUCK and if its like that why not
just die man, why not and its not fair and and and... why
and? why not something else its just a word just letters
just friggin letters im a brick in the wall im worthless
im small im tiny and depressed my accomplishments mean
NOTHING to anyone nothing and i just feel this way
is it true
who knows
i dont
i dont know anything
anything at all.