LooLoo

Why does the one guy I like live so far away?

So I haven't dated in a while. And I can't find a guy who
keeps my attention. And it seems like I am continually
drawn to younger guys because they seem fun and carefree
and because (I admit it) they are safe. I know I am not
going to really care about someone that young. I mean, I
CARE about them, but not in a way that would make me want
to commit myself to them at all.

They're just fun and temporary. And its easy. Til I've
thrown them away and am lying in bed and want someone to
snuggle with and tell all my secrets to. But even then I
don't want THEM... I want someone else, someone elusive
that I haven't found yet... Someone my own age who I can
laugh with and play with and be serious with....

And i have never found that in person. But I have found it
in someone who is really far away.... a couple thousand
miles away. I'm really frustrated because I have such a
crush on a guy.I've talked about him before here. He lives
up north. We've never met in person which is really freaky,
but is also really part of the attraction. If I met him in
person, I might not feel any of what I think I feel for him
now...

And no, he is not some internet guy, he's not some chat
line guy, he's not some dating service guy. Ugh. Yuck. Just
the thought...
He used to work for my company and we became friends from
working together over the years. I really wish I had some
of the old emails... Anyway, we became friends, time passed
and we are soemthing more, but I don't know what. Its very
confusing.

But anyway, my point being, the person who calls to make
sure I am happy on holidays is him. And he's there. A long
way away. And what if I never meet him in person and he is
the right person? Huh? What if?