~*SwtKiwi16*~

*~* Lex's DiDi *~*
Ad 2:
2002-04-01 20:01:10 (UTC)

The terrible Pair

Parents are such a trip! I don't know why there are
parents! I used to like mine, but ever since my older bro
left things have been such a pain in the ass!

My step dads a spaz and my moms his lil sidekick, whose
even more a pain in the ass!

It's like when ever we get into a fight, those two team up
and I'm cornered, and I'm helpless, and no matter how much i try to
make them see how I feel they don't care cuz I'm not an adult so
basically I don't make sense to them!

My dad's a frickin thickheaded jerk. He doesn't listen to
me and says that he wont till I'm frickin 18 ~ cuz then
I'll be an adult and I'll make more sense!

He doesn't care about peoples feelings and I honestly think
that he's just a fuckin asshole!

Here's the latest thing that I've been fighting with him
and my mom about:

I dropped all my old friends because they all drink and
smoke. I used to do that but ever since I met my boyfriend
I decided that I wanted to change my ways. I used to come
home drunk and my parents would get pissed and I'd get
grounded and all that crap. Well anyways I dropped my old
friends and my old habits and I've just been hanging out
with my boyfriend which he's basically my best friend also.
We hang out and we hang with other couples too, but I
mostly hang out at his house or he hangs out at mine. Well
my dad I guess thinks that it's neccassry that he should
have control over my realationship, and so he places this
so called "schedule" he so calls it. So I can only see
my BF 2 times a week, and once on the weekend. Yea can you
believe this jerk I mean I'm 16 ~ don't you think that I
should be able to start making my own damn decisions? I
think so, but when ever I tell him that he should give me
the oppurtunity to make my own decisions he says that I
can, but when I'm 18! You wanna know what happens when I
see him more than once in a week? Well I get grounded, or I
get a week taken from me! Can you believe that It's like
they have me like frickin pet or something. Like I'm in
electric boundary and if I step out I'll get the shit beat
outta me! Well not literally, but it seems that way!

So I have a limit on seeing my BF and my step dad is pissed that I
can't hang out with my old friends, and I told him that I
don't want to hang out with them again. He said that I
should find new friends then, but I told him that I'm happy with
how things are now in my life, and for him to go in and re-
arrange and change the things I do in my life when ever he feels
like, and change it to what ever he feels like, he has no right. I'm
happy with the what I'm doing, and I'm not drinking and I'm not
smoking and he should be proud, but he obvisously wants to
make my life a living hell. I mean if you think about it I
have no life, because I had to go through tuff times when I
decided to not hang out with my old friends. I barely have
any friends as it is, and for him to tell me when not to see
basically my only friend he's taking away the only thing that makes
me happy in this world. I'm happy when I'm with my BF, and
when I'm with him it's not just like were BF and GF but I'm
also hanging out with a friend, and we aren't alone all the
time, we're usually out with a big group and chillin. I can
understand that my dad wants me to hang out with more
girls, but he also needs to understand that I was raised up
around boys and I was a tom boy when I was little and I
just feel more comfortable around boys. I mean I was out
climbing trees and cathching frogs when I was little when I
should of been in playing dolls, and having tea party's. He
needs to realize that I'm growing up and that he's going
have to give me more freedom cuz sooner or later he's not
going to be able to do decide anything for me anymore.

Maybe that's one of the reasons that he's treating me the
way that he does. The fact that he realizes that he wont be
able to make decisions for me when I get older scares him.
I am a daddies girl, but he shouldn't have to keep me
locked up and under control. I mean when I make a mistake
he treats me like I killed someone, and that my punishment
is like a month of grounding. Or like one time, he said
that I couldn't see my BF for 3 weeks! It literally drove
me crazy, cuz the only time that I could talk to him and
see him was in school, and I only had one class with him,
and well it isn't even a class cuz it was lunch. So when i
couldn't see him for 3 weeks outta school, I just got so
pissed, cuz I couldn't do anything about it. I mean parents
don't realize how much they piss their kids off and that's
what they do to me and the fact that we're scared to say something to
them cuz they have so much power over us. They just don't realize
that sure what they may be doing for us in their eyes may be good,
but what my parents thinks is right, isn't for me, and I don't have a
life. The fact that I was happy with how my life is, doesn't cut cuz
my dad thinks that I'm only 16 and that I should be out playing ball
or riding my bike, but he doesn't realize that I've changed and that
I like to do different things. He treats me like a kid, like I don't
have feelings, and that I don't understand the world, but he needs to
know that I am NOT a kid, and that I DO understand the world, and I
actually think that it's pretty screwed up!

I get so mad and frustrated that thinking about attempting sucuicide
is the only way that I can see if my dad has any feelings at all. I
mean he's so thick headed and I swear that he doesn't have a soft
bone in his body. I mean I came to him crying cuz me and my BF had a
huge arguement and I just wanted support, but he just told me to suck
it up and that I shouldnt be crying over little things. I told him
that my BF meant alot to me and he goes "you'll have plenty of BF's
what makes you think that he's so special". I mean I don't know about
you but I so pissed off at that jerk.

He's heartless, and he thinks that he's like god or something just
cuz he's an adult. He treats me like I'm a kid, and that I don't
understand, and that I'm immature. He's a complete ass! You may not
think so, but if you were to ever experience what I have been for the
past 5 years I think that you would. I mean if you got pissed off and
you wanted him to know how you felt, he would say it doesn't matter,
I don't care what you think. He'll say that he's the adult and your
the child and what you feel and what you think doesn't matter.

As go for my mom, me and her used to be close, but she was so
attached to my brother that I guess that she doesn't even want to
consider to get close to me. I mean I've always wanted to have one of
those relationships between a mother and daughter where you know they
are like best friends. When I asked my mom why can't she be my friend
she said that she can't be my friend cuz she's my mother, and she's
suposed to discipline me. She used to defend my side of the story
when ever I got into an arguement with my dad, and so would my
brother, but ever since he started to get sick of my dad he got
kicked out of the house, and my mom stopped sticking up for me and
just joined my dads side. My mom I guess just can't stand my father
and I guess that the only way that she wont have to put up with him
bitching at her is to just agree with him and join his side when ever
we get into arguements.

I mean I've told them that I've had it with dad trying to keep me in
this cage just cause he feels that he needs to have control over my
life that I'm going to move out of state and never talk to them. I've
just had it with al the fighting and me not being able to be
understood on how I feel and all the names that I've been called. I'm
sick of being called a bitch just cause I didn't want to do something
for my mom. Or called stupid or dense cuz I don't understand, and I
guess that I've just had it. All I know is that I just want to get
out of my house when I'm 18 even if I don't know where I'm going or
if I have enough money I just want to get out and I'll never come
back. I'd rather live off the streets then to treated like a nothing.
I just can't put up with not being able to express how I feel because
no matter how much I'd be crying or wanting support I'd be shot down
cuz my feelings don't matter. I can't talk to my parents cuz no
matter what I say I'm always wrong and never right. I can't state my
opinions cuz they don't matter in my parents eyes. I bet that that's
why my brother started to mess up. He probably had enough of my dad
trying to keep him in and trying to control his life. I just guess
that my brother had enough and I guess that he just felt like he
didn't care, and just did what ever he wanted because he had enough.

He got kicked out because my dad couldn't keep him under control and
he felt that he should leave. I can understand that he wants us safe,
but he should realize that he is the reason that my brother acted the
way that he did. My step dad never let him do what he would like to
do, and the things that he wanted to do were harmless of course, but
the fact that our step dad treated him the way that he treats me now
that my brother had had enough.

So my brother doesn't live with us and he lives in duluth, he's not
going to graduate and he's not working. He steals from his family and
he lies. My brother does what he wants now cuz I guess that he just
snapped and the fact that our step dad never let him do just the lil
things that he wanted to do when he was younger just lead him to what
he is like now.

As for me I don't think that I'll have a life like that but I know
that I wont be able to go to a nice college, cuz I've never really
had the motivation from my parents that most kids get from theirs. I
just feel that I should do good in school cuz I know that I'll never
get encouraged or anything like that. My step sister is smart and she
comes home with A's and B's and since I don't feel motivated in
school I come home with C's and D's. So of course I get compared
with, "why don't you get good grades like your sister does". I know
why I don't, but I just really feel that if I do get good grades I
can garuntee that I wont get encouragment. My parents never sat down
with me and my brother and helped us with homework, but they do that
with my step sisters. I guess my step dad favors his "real" children
then me and my brother cuz were his step children and all. I don't
think that we get that much attention and stuff cuz we're some one
other's kids. I just don't know what It is but all I know is that
I've just had it! I just CAN NOT wait till I am 18 so that I can
leave and NEVER return~!


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