Jessica

I make a promise... not to whine about my life.

There are some things i should explain. This is public because i want
advice to problems, and because i am an aspiring writer or musician.
something. I have chose today to start such a diary because... i am not in
the mood for structure. But i want you to know that this diary, as far as
i'm concerened... is a story. Not to say that what i say is untrue in any
way... that would be quite cruel to any one reading. but i will do mybest
not to whine and complain and bitch.

I go to a school in San Francisco... but no specifics. A Middle School...i
wont bother lying. I'm in the eighth grade, but damn i wish i was in
highschool. I'd like to state that i've always been older than my age (14).
Before i had turned thirteen, I had seen The Matrix and half of Magnolia,
which I love. Before I was a teenager I had also bought two Marilyn
Manson albums: Mechanical Animals and Antichrist Superstar. I liked
Antichrist Superstar better. Before I was a teenager I had been drunk…
repeatedly; tried pot… repeatedly and had "made-out" with both boys
AND girls…repeatedly. I said love spells in hopes to attract crushes, and
bought a spiked bracelet that I’d turn over when I was bored or
depressed, and cut my wrists with. I had a computer in my room and a
stereo system. I was in an imaginary band with my best friend called
"Sapphire," in which I played the bass, even though I didn’t have one. I
had a Tool album, an Aerosmith album, three Bush albums, three
Silverchair albums, and countless… no…five Nirvana albums. I’d been in
love too. I'll called him Sam, i like that name. I was a freak, "goth",
crazy, a "crackhead." A popular one too! All of this I was before I
turned thirteen.

That's a little introduction to me, i suppose. I'm older than that now, and i
have more nirvana cds and tool cds. music is a huge part of my life... and
as much as i'd like to say i'm "goth" or even a "freak"... i can't stand most
of themusic. In my opinion, M. Manson is an entertainer, nothing more.
the only goth music i really like is Nine Inch Nails... i have been to a
concert and it was almost a religious experiance, which is a funny way to
explain it, i suppose. well i have to go. i'll be back tomorrow... i really
have nothing else to say.