2002-04-01 07:53:18 (UTC)

i don't know what to do....

ok. tony finaly called me and he was fine. he hurt himslef
doing something but he is ok. well he calls me and says
that he will be home soon. he comes home and he does not
really want to talk to me. he finaly did. he told me that
he went to see bryan and ashers play and that he and asher
went to k-mart to "fuck around" ok, that hurts, a lot. he
told me that he would spend the day with me. we talked
about it a couple of days ago and then we even talked about
it yesterday and never did he say that he did not want to.
i even rembember telling him that he did not have to if he
did not want to. he says that i don't let him do things
with his friends. i can't rembember him ever asking to do
something. i want him to so things with other people
besides me. i really do. that is all besides the point of
this entry. i feel so bad because he lied to me. he told me
that he was going to do soemething and he did not. he
changed his mind the day of. my mother does that to me. we
talk about something days befoe and the day before and then
the day of something changes her mind. i hate that. i hate
that so much. i hate being lied to and i know that he deos
too. i just feel so shitty. i hope that he is not like
everyone else. i love his so much. i don't want him to be
like all of them, i want him to be different. but being
with him today was important to me. i was not just another
day to me. it was easter. i don't care about all of the god
shit it is just that i have always been with my family on
easter and he is the closest thing that i have had to
family in a while. like he seems to be the only one who
cares about me sometimes. it ment something to me and he
was with them and not me. oh well. right now i just want
him to hold me. i love him so much. i do not think that i
did anything wrong except push him into the thingy. that i
am sorry for but i am not sorry for being mad and hurt.
anyway, to anyone who read this. be happy for the time you
have with thoes you love. i am going to go but i am sure
that there will be more drama next time because that is all
my life seems to be.

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