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2001-05-20 05:03:45 (UTC)

Another attempt at writing....

I really suck at this....
Some days I will have so many thoughts, that I can't sort
them and I can't write them down fast enough, leading to a
mass of incoherent words. Other days, like today, I can't
think a damn thing. Nothing. Everything is blank. How
would I rather have it? How about right in between? How
about that place that I (and lotsa other people)
call 'normal'? Well, now i can get into this thing
about 'there is no absolute normal.' There is
only 'personal' normals. Eh, whatever, I have obviously
exhausted this subject...
I've wanted to cry all day. I don't really even know
why, I am trying to put a finger on it, but its pretty
difficult. I guess it kinda feels like when you break
something and it can't get fixed. One time I was carrying
a record up the stairs, I tripped and it broke into many
pieces. All that went through my head was how it would be
impossible to fix. To fit ALL the pieces back together
PERFECTLY so that it was playable in original condition
again was impossible. Thats kinda what I feel like. I
screwed up. My head screwed up. My head IS screwed up.
It tore apart my life, and now its impossible to get it
back the way it was. I don't even know if that is REALLY
true or not, but it is sure how I feel, and I want to cry
my guts out because of it. ARRRRRRRRRG this is so....
well..... i dunno what word to use. This is empty. Today
is an empty day. Maybe it'll fill up tomorrow, but who
ever knows what tomorrow brings. Wee, I leave the world
with that tonight. Goodnight.
bis bald,