ThE_DuDe (Basstorius)

ThE_DuDe Files
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2002-03-31 19:24:01 (UTC)

my mad life in some lost palace

the other day. like 5 months ago i met this person. i only
knew what her name was. and somewhere else i knew i was to
be with her forever. i know i have said thatt about so many
others but i mean it this time. every time i look into her
eyes i see what i have been looking for in my life. i see a
person that looks into my eyes and sees the same thing.
well if you dont know i am going out with this girl. it has
been five months. well olmost 6 but whos counting. i cant
ever get enough of her. she never takes me away from my
friend. she never hold a grudge(well i dont do anything
that woulld make her hold one but anyways).she does hold me
though. i wish she could read this i dont know. i tell her
that i love her all the time. and she loves me back. its
not like the little kid love where you say you love someone
just because they are the clostest person to you at the
time. no this is somthing totaly different. we talk like
friends do. but shes not like a friend at all. she is
different. she is some one that has been there for me in my
time of need. she never thinks i am a bad person for the
things that i have done. she is just the most amazing thing
to ever happen to me and i love it. if you read my last
entry you will know what i am going through. and she still
loves me for who i am not what i have done. i love it so
much. i just cant put into words what i want to say about
her. i want to spend the rest of forever with her. but then
it goes back to chelsea. and then it goes back to heidi. i
dont know. i said the same thing about them too. but im not
sure if i ment it. i do mean it when i say it to this new
person. her name it Razi. you say the i liker an i. well
yea. i said that i loved heidi and i said that i wanted to
be with her forever and i said the same about chelsea. but
i dont know if i ment it. i wish i knew if i did or not.l
chelsa still thinks that i love her i dont know too much
why. i dont tell her i love her anymore. i just havent told
her that i have moved on. i know i should. but do i
tell the person that for the longest time i tried not to
lose, just that i am lost. i held on to chelsea so hard. i
held on to her like she was the only girl in the world.
she didnt know this but i did. she treated me like crap but
she loved me more then that . i was so confused. and that
is why i moved away from california. to see what might
happen. they say that if you leave someone and you meat a
new person then the old person that you moved from wasnt
ment to be. i knew that about chelsea along time ago i just
never said anything. i wish i did. i wish i could just tell
her that i still care for her just not the same way i used
to. i would still give her hugs. and i would still invite
her over to my house. and i would still talk to her about
life(not that we ever did) but i would still do that. i
just wouldnt kiss her and tell her i loved her when i
didnt. i wish i knew what to do. if anyone reads this just
hep me. plz. thanks for listening to me. i just need some
one to talk to once in awile. and this i guess is the
place. well bye for now. ill right back soon. bye bye bye