cosmic ski slopes
2001-05-19 23:04:29 (UTC)


i'm working on the whole 'ignoring' thing with my mom.
she's gonna be home from work soon 8, oh well.
I haven't heard from Nick yet about our plans for tomorrow
so I'm guessing we don't have any... That sucks. I miss him
a lot. And I keep listening to music that shouldn't remind
me of him at all but somehow does. Like listening to the
radio and "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton comes on. One
of my favorite songs! But when we were at prom Nick sang
parts of it to me and so I hear them and remember how great
it felt to be there with him and how he kept telling me how
he was so happy to be there... So i have to change the
station from one of my favorite songs onto a really crappy
song my Ludacris. Now normaly, I would tolerate the song
until it ended and hope something better would come on
because it's one of my favorite stations, 95.9. But the
song is one of the ones they plaed at the dance that we
were all singing to and dancing in a huge group to and just
having ablast and then all of a sudden I'm missing having
Nick's arms around me during this exact song so I give up
and put a cd in. As always, it's Lifehouse, one of my
absolute favorite CD's ever and the first song is "Hanging
by a Moment". A song about waiting for someon you're in
love with to realize you're in love with them and to
acknowledge your puny exsistance. And quotes like "I'm
falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've
held onto, I'm standing here until you make me move, I'm
hanging my a moment here with you..." and all these really
sappy lyrics just torture me!

I'm pathetic I know but I have to keep my mind pre-occupied
somehow, right? I mean, if I'm not thinking about Nick, I'm
sressing about school or mom or docters or my friends being
idiots or how the hell I'm gonna stop drugs... I dunno, I
guess Nick is the only thing I can think of without having
a total heart attack. Plus I'd rather miss him, and know
that he's missing me, than have not said anything about my
feelings a few months ago and still just talking to him
everyonce and a while...
Vele (by the way, 'vele' means goodbye in Latin... That's
the language I take in school, I use it alot in entries too)