2002-03-31 07:26:55 (UTC)

how sorry i am...

i went to see brittany tonight. shawn came with me. and it
was really fun. we went to dennys over there and the guy
seemed really unhappy and told me he hated his life...so i
left him a note and i hope it helped a little.
people need to realize that yeah life sucks sometimes
but you have to make yourself happy.
because living your life being miserable the entire time
really is so unproductive.
i took a shower today.
shes really all about her boyfriend.
i realized that tonight when i called her to tell her one
of our songs was playing.
and she didnt seem too appreciative of my cuteness.
but then again.
yeah. its mostly my doing anyway.
funny how things you think are good for you
can be
but also fuck with you.
even when its your fault.
i want to leave here.
the story of my life for the last 18 years.
i should go to sleep.
i cant decide if i want to just go to sleep or do other
i should just sleep though...
so its easter now.
the sprinklers just came on outside.
its two o clock.
emily is out tonight.
i hope that shes having a great time
im sure that she is

do dooo...
ks choice night.
i miss my sex cd a whole lot.
i wonder which one has it...

im not an addict...

i wrote about things i usually dont think about the other
day and it was weird.

i remember her telling me she couldnt deal with it and that
it was over.
the way your stomach falls.
and you cant breathe.
i fell on the floor.
i couldnt live without her for so long.
and so...i found other things.
i found things to make me forget things. her. it.
and i did.
and i fucked pretty much anything that was accessible
without too much effort.
then she called me crying. about him.
about shoes.
but we didnt talk during the day.
crying in the corridor during homecomming.
i didnt go to dances after that.
not even my prom.
why would i.
and then things got better.
and then they got worse. in a different way. in the
opposite way.
and now...
and now im learning how to deal with this.
deal with this...this difference...
not for you for me this time this time
not for you for me this time

and they stick their fingers in you
i just want to taste your temperature

someone gave me a star once.
yup. i have one. one in the sky shinning down on me.
i think i named it george.
george the star.


i need to fucking sleep.