What you never knew
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2002-03-30 20:38:50 (UTC)


gaaahh i am so tired right now. not the physical kind of
tired..just emotionally and mentally tired. i cant seem to
make my dad happy lately. he said today that the reason he
gets in these bad moods is because of the way i act towards
him and how im always so mean and have an attitude. i make
him so sick of me. im beginning to really become sick of
myself and who i am. i am such a mean person. im thinking
about it and i really hate myself. i can never do anything
right. i seriously just wanna go to sleep and never ever
have to wake up. then i could sit and dream of matt and
everything would be all good. aah and i have seriously a
3.0 in school and my grades are so bad and i dont know why
i just cant seem to do good in school. ha what the hell am
i saying i cant do good in ne thing. i cant even be a good
friend and girlfriend to matt. i mean hes sitting there
with a temperature of 100 and im worried about myself and
my problems. what the hell is wrong with me. maybe just
becoming quiet and reserved, not saying much like in middle
school would help. then i wouldnt frustrate people or make
them hate me. its my mouth that always gets me in trouble.
i hate who i am..i hate everything about myself. gaaah i
cant even cry im so tired. why cant i just be who my
parents want me to be.