xdruggie

The Xdruggie Files
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2002-03-30 06:12:44 (UTC)

Insecurity is my middle name

Ok so i forgot to add in yesterday's journal that the quote
about not having sex...was pertaining to the fact that i
was not having sex....Tony's been sick and out of it. I
haven't seen him since Monday, when i went to the doctor
with him. But he called yesterday and i called him today
but of course he didn't answer. Anyway i am not worried
about it. This time has given me the ability to reflect on
where i am with my insecurities in relationships and let me
focus on getting myself past all this past stuff of counter
and co-dependence....that way i can have a healthy
relationship...

they tell you in treatment not to get hungry, angry or
tired...i was soooo tired when i got off work tonight. I
opened and closed...working a stretch from 9 am til 9:30
pm. So i come home and they are having a 'get-together' in
our common area in front of our apartments. Knol puts his
snake on me (literally not figuratively) and puts a skky
vodka malt bev in my hand trying to get me to taste it. I
wanted to. But i didn't. Sometimes i think i am fooling
myself by saying that i will stay sober a year and then
think about drinking. I dunno if that is wise or not. I do
know like i have said before that if i were to drink
now...that i would be using again. so i am not.

hopefully i can see tony before the lambda meeting tomorrow.

XD


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