the expunged refuse of my evil mind
Ad 0:
2002-03-30 04:59:02 (UTC)


to put it simply, i love her. i cant live without her right
now. i just was on the phone with her for about 3 hours,
talking about us. i think that we are the best together.
we jsut fit. i think that me knowing how much she likes
me makes it all the more interesting for me. she tells
me that she likes me often. i need that. i need to be told
that im liked. i dunno, i guess im insecure or
something, but i really need it. if im not told that im liked
by her, or loved by her, ill get worried, that she doesnt
feel that way about me anymore. i need to be
reassured.she was telling me about how her diary from
last year was filled with entires about me, even when
she was going ou with matt. i dunno. i like that. but it
makes me regret not saying something to her
beforehand. we talk alot about the day at owls head
when she watched me skate, and we sat in the park,
and when i tried to kiss her in the subway, but kinda
chickened out, but i still half kissed her. she had to get
off the train. i dunno. i wish i could change that. then
she wouldnt have gone out with alex, and we would
have had 4 more months together. i think that life is a
bitch. it fucks with us too much. i told her about all my
acts of self hate today, my suicide attempts, my
depression bouts. but i dunno. i think that she needs to
know that stuff about me, but i diddnt want to make her
feel sad, but i needed to tell her. i dunno, she is
everything to me right now. if something were to
happen, i dont know what i would do. i just hope that i
can keep myself from fucking this up. i fuck up
everything that is good forf me. i cant fuck this up. for
morgans sake. she doesnt want to fuck it up either. she
wants to take every precaution so that we dont break
up. she is trying to keep everything that has been
fucked up in her other relationships from fucking up
ours. like sex too soon, and talking about the far future,
like getting marrried or something lkike that. i dunno. i
really want her to have a presence in my future, but i
have no idea what the future will hold, so i cant tell what
will happen. i just love her so much that it hurts
sometimes. im always thinking about her when im
alone,and i alwyas want to dream of her before i go to

i want her, i love her, i need her, i have her.