KateyKate

Diary of Me...
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2002-03-30 02:17:21 (UTC)

Shitty Day.

No school today. I was looking forward to this all week.
Then today actually comes, and it sucks. I wake up.. no one
is home, which was a good thing because if I had to spend
the whole day with these people I might just go crazy. So
anyways, I go into the kitchen and on the table theres a
note for me from my mom. Oh joy. Well lucky me got to spend
most of my day off cleaning the house! Then, when I finally
thought I was going to go out and do something, those plans
fucked up. So, now I'm stuck here. Putting myself down, and
getting labeled "selfish" by my own boyfriend. Well, maybe
I am. But it's not like I can help putting myself down, it
just comes out naturally. But, hey, if I'm so selfish..
then why do people still want to be my friends? That's what
I don't get. But, hmm.. lately I have been losing my
friends. And i'm sure if they found out a secret of
mine..I'll sure lose more. I'm not like this to make people
feel bad for me, I'm sure that is what you are thinking I
am doing. I am not. I guess from now on i'll just keep it
all to myself. I know that my life is better off then other
people's out there.. but sometimes I wish I was just dead.
Don't worry, I'm not planning on doing anything suicial.
Not anymore. I realized awhile ago how stupid it is. And I
know that when it is my time to go, I will. I will just
live the rest of my "wonderful" life. See, This is why I
definitly HATE being a teenager. My average teenage day
consists of laughing, being pissed, crying.. Geesh! Plus
stress build up. MAAAAN! School and family puts Alot of
stress on me. I'm not saying I hate school, I hate Spanish
class! But, that's a different story which you will most
likely hear about sometime during the week.
Well, tomorrow should be better then today because Joe is
coming over and stuff. Hopefully it'll take my mind off
things.
Does anyone else ever feel this way, or is it just me? I
mean, i'm KINDA getting help for this. Well, it's not
exactly this.. it's for my anxiety problem.. and the
counselor lady said I was depressed too. To tell you the
truth, I didn't even know I was depressed. The whole
anxiety thing totally SUCKS. I think it's time I shut up
about my life. I'm going to stop being like this. I hafta
or else... I will lose alot. *sings a song* Hmm.. Well this
is definitly enough crapola for today... I'm gonna stop
before you start thinking I'm selfish too.
~Katey


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