What you never knew
2002-03-29 23:30:53 (UTC)

Lost in my own mind

okay, its really weird. and this isnt something that has
JUST started happening or something because it happens and
has been happening. ya know the saying "you have my body
but not my mind" well that saying has this whole new
meaning for me. matt has my body..and well about 75% of my
mind but not all of it. my mind is a confusing thing. i
mean, if you could open up my head and walk around inside
my mind you would get lost because its seriously this
labrynth that is never ending. there are so many things
about me and so many painful thoughts and moments that i
hide from him. and i dont know why i do this. its like the
whole thing that i dont choose to accept the fact that he
loves me...i want him to know..i want him to have my whole
mind...but for some reason i cant tell him everything..i
dont know if i can ever tell ne too scared to. i
dont know ne more, its like im afraid that if he found out
who i really was he would hate me forever and i dont want
that. i love him so much i just couldnt take it right now
if he were to leave me. gaah and im sitting here and my
mind is telling me that he doesnt love me. how could a pointless person really if you look it at
carefully. my existence means nothing. i was born nothing
and im going to die nothing so what is the point of me
being here in the first place. i out for now.