sweetaddiction

so yeah my computer has been..

so yeah my computer has been sucking but now it seems to be
pretty much all better.
yay for that.
it seems like a whole bunch of stuff has happened since i
last wrote.
i cant play music still. this is driving me crazy. agh.
so...
emily and i celebrated our eight month anniversary.
i cooked for her and it was fun =) im so glad that
everything turned out alright.
im so happy.
things got bad between us.
not bad just...tension-ish.
for a bit.
but...we talked.
we had a really great spontanious sort of talk.
and it was amazing.
and really really really good for both of us.
ive learned so much from being with her.
ive grown a fuck of a lot. and, it a really good thing.
i talked a lot that night.
a whole fucking lot.
and she listened.
and...she understood.
just as i listened to her.
and, i understood.
i think with our somewhat limited amount of communication
that we had before.
she didnt think id understood some things.
but thats whats good about...
not necessarily being through all that i have in my life.
but...in this case anyway, being on both sides of the issue.
and granted that ALSO is the rooted cause of some problems.
it makes it so much easier to comprehend our differences.
and even thoughout all of our many differences...in the way
we view the world. or just the stage that her and i are in
our lives.
we really are more similar than sometimes her and i both
would care to admit..

all in all.

i could not be happier.

i got a 94 on the test i got back today.
i still have to work on that 8 page paper.
but im not going to do that today. ive decided.
yes. i suck. but...
im sleepy. and i can do it tomorrow after work and then on
sunday and monday.
sorry. but school although its important to me is not the
most important thing in my life.
my happiness is.
and im doing things my way.
mmmmmmyyyyyyy waaaaaaaayyyyyyyy lallalaa
heh.
i saw sandy a lot when she was here.
it was really good.
for more than just the expected reasons.
and although its change and its weird for me.
its me this time.
and its a good good goodoooooggogoogogdododogododogood.
thing.
yes.
i havent talked to shannon in awhile.
and i miss talking to her.
im sleepy.
i think that its time for a nap.

not for you for me this time this time
not for you for me
this time

i have made a conscience decision the past week or so to do
more things for myself
and to be more concerned with my own life than other
peoples.

i think it goes along with the whole thing i was talking
about the other night.
the not needing people thing.
and i really dont anymore.
im not saying that i dont still love the peopel that i do.
its just a...growth in emotional stability i guess.
something. i dont know.
its just good though.
i feel like its really good.

im okay by myself and with myself right now.
and its good.

i do miss some people...
but i understand now. as much as i can anyway.
that life and people and everything change.
but that doesnt mean that what you have at that time...
isnt. or wasnt real.
and unlike most.
i dont forget it...
and it still means just as much to me as before.
even if we dont talk anymore.
and i understand. i do..