2002-03-29 02:59:15 (UTC)


I wanna leave now! I know that if I do go to Cali, and
alone, things might not be as good as they seem right now.
But most defiantely it would not be a waste of money since
my best friend will be there. Even if I don't click with
the guys, (which I doubt will happen,) see Andrew and not
think he'd be what I thought he would be, for some reason
not get along with Teresa's parents/ brothers/ sis in law &
niece, and worst of all not being able to go anywhere just
me and my sis, then it'll be a worth while spring break,
because I'll atleast be with my sister. She rocks! And I'll
finally be able to be myself, loosen up, find that side of
me which has been long ignored, bored, and highly
unmotivated to show her face. I even noticed today that I
changed a lot. I was going through my dude book, and I
guess there's just something about pictures, every single
one I look at, I remember the exact feeling I had when I
took that pic, the atmosphere, and how I felt about the
person who is in the picture with me. I noticed a major
change throughout the Dude book. At first, I smile with
every single picture that I look at (And in every single
picture, I'm always happy on the beginning.) But,
gradually, it fades. I start just faking my smiles. I
remember if I faked it or not in every pic (believe it or
not). My friend asked me when she was looking at my pics,
why do I say I'm not photographable, since she looked at
the first pics and every one I was in looked descent. I
noticed she started to fade out with those comments on the
end of the book. I thought she would. I did change. I wanna
get that fun, wild part back in me. I miss that other
person. And I hope I go to Cali, so that I can surround
myself with people who would definately bring it out in me.
Actually the one person who would do that best, and she's
the only one I really need for this, is my sister. I'd
finally be happy. (So it doesn't really matter if I make
out with Andrew or not, but I'm hoping all goes well in
every way.)

:0) -Amnesia