lost in the dark
2002-03-28 00:31:49 (UTC)

Stygian mood...

Hey Entry. Selfesteem at a low. Everything that I am doing
to build it back up is like holding water in my hands.
Usaully I am very quick to get back up on my feet, and
start going again. I am hoping that after this weekend,
spending time with some of my family is going to help. I
dought it though. Just the same, I will see how it goes.
Talking to April usauly helps. Since she is like me in sooo
many ways. It has to be in the jean's (hehehe, little joke,
I know you spell it, gene's).
I honestly think that it's work that makes me this way. I
come home and feel drained trying to prove myself all the
time. I know, in life you are suppose to prove to people
that you are capable. I see the people around me, that are
getting better and me staying right were I am. I have done
so much and not one person has come to me to thank me for
the work that has been done, I don't care about the every
day work. Wouldn't it be nice to just have one day where
they came and just said, "Thank you for the work that you
have done above and beyond what was expected of you". I
know that I would like this so much. Selfconfidence or
selfassurance can only go so far now and then. I am so
tired of the work that I do. Even though it is in the feild
that I would like to be working in, But I am not learning
anything anymore. I am starting to burn out. I need
something different something to kick start the brain
again. These days it is so hard to get the brain kick
started to do anything after work. Almost as if it is
saying no you don't, I am shutting down for awhile. One
thing that I am hoping for is, a big meeting that is
suppose to be held next week will happen on Monday so I
don't have to be there for it. I hate going to those stupid
meetings, they ask me what I think all the time. It does
not matter what I say or how I say it. I know that they are
not going to listen anyways. I have wasted way to much
breath on this place already, and to waste any more would
be just a waste. I would rather spend the time at my Bench
and work.
What else is there that is on my mind tonight. Ohh, right.
LOL,Cleaning of contact lists. Hehehe, I guess I am one of
thoughs people that like to have everyone in the world on
my contact lists. I must have had about 200 people on my
ICQ list, Wowsers I did not know that I use to interact
with this many people. And that was just my ICQ contact
list. LOL, Now I get to clean up my other lists. Fun Fun
Fun. Thank gawd for time dated messages. LOL, And you
thought that house cleaning was just for cleaning houses.
After writing this entry, I feel way better now. *smile*

Lost in the Dark


Call me a Fool...

Call me a fool,
For not getting you flowers,
For the time that I should've said,
What you wanted to hear,
For I am a man.

Call me a fool,
For not remembering the date,
For the time that I should've been there,
what you wanted to feel,
For I am a man.

Call me a fool,
For not remembering the little thing,
For the time that I should've given time,
What you wanted to see,
For I am a man.

Call me a fool,
For not making sure that you were safe,
For the time that I should've worried,
What you wanted most to touch,
For I am a man.

Call me a fool,
For not making sure that the strength was there,
For the time that I should've given strength,
What you wanted most was a hand,
For I am a man.

Call me a Fool,
For not realizing the mastakes,
For the time that it took to make up,
What you didn't need to see,
For I am a man.