sosad

SoSad
2002-03-27 23:13:05 (UTC)

what the fuck was i thinking

man i'm so fucking dumb i can't believe it. I fell asleep
yesterday and missed my art history midterm and also i was
REALLY late for work. i'm lucky i still have a job but i
may not be so lucky with my class. my teacher is a fucking
prissy bitch and i doubt she will be merciful. fucking
slut. Anyway, i have too much going on in my head right
now. i had sex with a boy from school the other day, thus
ending my college virginity. I really thought that i hated
him the first day i spoke to him. I mean, the first thing
that he said to me was "can I touch your boobs" my answer
was no, but lowe and be hold, he got his wish. It was
really funny because he was telling me about why he can't
be cool with me in front of his friends. gee sweetie, what
the hell do you take me for? I realize that guys are
actually ten times more insecure about themselves therefore
they must protect all that they have, which when you really
look at it, is NOTHING. I'm not aching for a relationship
or anyhting. casual sex works for me. Afterall, i have
matt coming up here in like, 2 weeks. holy shit I'm really
fucking nervous. I mean, he's he love of my life. I've
loved him since the first time i saw him, like 3 years
ago. words can't even express the feelings that rage for
him. I'm amazed we're still in touc, but i mean, that was
his call. maybe he'll realize that he loves me and he'll
ask me to go back out with him. yeah. well, i mean,
afterall the mOST unexxpected thing that has ever happened
to me in my life was when i saw him @ home and he made a
move. that was totally amazing. FUCKING SHIT. boys are
seriously the least of MY troubles yet they seem to consume
99% of my thoughts. i really wish that was not the case
because i'm borederline in a bunch of classes and i have
WAY more important things to do that think about them.
grrr.......i need to be lesbian. Oh yesterday was the most
surreal day ever, and I can't even begin to describe it, so
I won't even try. well, i'm off the do something
(hopefully) productive
love, me




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