Trixie Dust

Trixies in the Wind
2002-03-27 21:02:01 (UTC)

Trying came back!!

Lol. Anyways...

The human species never ceases to amaze me. We have this
uncanny ability to place blame on anyone for anything. Its
not just that we have the ability, its that most of us
exercise it. Prime example: my family, and what happened
with this whole divorce thing. Ashley emailed Amanda, my
step sister, and she got upset and wrote this:

Big Deal!

yeah well ashley was like i feal sorry for the kids and i
am just like whatever.... Yeah we will get to see our dad
alot more and for ur information we are going to our old
school..... I know this is jumping off the subject a little
but im not stupid i know what their mom does and well i
think i will stop before i get mad... (they blame stuff on
my mom that she doesnt even do at least im not blind). Well
umm leah called last night and started screaming cuz i am
coming back and her cat had kittens and kath is mad cuz im
coming back but i dont give a crud and umm yeah thats it
Gatta Jet- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
MANDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And if ya dont like what i have to say then dont read my
diary!!!!!!

And I replied:

Why are you so defensive? Its not your mom we care about,
were more worried about our dad and what he is capable of.
We feel bad for you because youre placed in a situation you
dont deserve to be placed in. My dad cant properly take
care of you because his first priority *definatly not by
choice* is us, and I dont want you to have to suffer for
it. Were not all evil, you know. I think what happened is
everyone got so concerned about placing blame that they
forgot the big picture. Divorce happened, and father isnt
paying what he is supposed to in support, whether he can or
cannot is besides the point. Whats happening is both
families worlds are falling apart, and theres nothing that
can be done to stop it. Im not saying your mom is bad, or
my mom is good, or that my dad is good or bad. Im saying
all this shouldnt have happened, and it did, and no one
knows how to fix it, besides by sheer force. I care about
my father and about you guys, youre part of my family now,
and im concerned about you, I always will be. I dont like
seeing people get hurt, and everyone is hurting now and its
wrong, and Im sorry. Im so sorry.


I dont know if shell get to see it or not. But this world
makes me sick. Theres one guys diary-- this kid needs
serious mental help, because hes going to go crazy and
start shooting people. He really really really needs help.

Speaking of, yesterday my mom was talking about how she was
trying to get help for us, and that the only place she can
seem to get is Peace Creek, and after what happened with
Jodie, I dont think thats such a good idea, and they werent
good to my mom either. Moms major problem is she is
worried about how to take care of the family, she wants
someone she can talk to who knows alot about the area and
is knowledgable about things like that. I want someone on
my level, someone who can talk to me as a person, help me
to deal with all these teenage issues, help to guide me,
and just listen to me. I told mom I want drugs, i want to
go to a psychiatrist and get happy pills, and lots of
them. i dont want to be depressed. I dont want to be
crazy. Mom said that you dont want drugs, that those are
bad. Im like, nuht uh! I want something that will make me
forget about it all, and cloud my mind and just make me
happy. Lol. Sounds like I need to go get high, i know.
Lol. But if I do that, then I wont stop, and Ill end up
getting into more trouble than i can handle and not getting
out. Like, I was watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer last
night *I know, supreme lameness*, but they were talking
about Willow, and they had a good point. This one girl
said that its the responsible type you have to watch out
for. They get one taste of partying or freedom and its not
enough, they go overboard with it. That would be me. I
couldnt just start and be like, okay thats enough. It
would control my life until thats all i did, and could do
to hide from the pain and from everything going on. And I
know this, and it sucks because I wont allow myself to do
that, or to become like my older siblings.

Okay, enough ranting. And my baby is on. *grin*

The Phantom Menace kicks booty, BTW *grin*

I love you angel!
Loves ya too huggles and marie.

Laters