Life......what is life. Nobody ever fucking asks me! You
ask others. you ask teachers, singers, sages, rappers,
strippers, drunk people, midgets, and religious
figures.....but why not ask me? Cos let me tell you. I
actually know what life is. So if you'd just ask me this
is what I'd say.
You come out of the vagina. No wait, let me make that
more beautiful. You slide out of the vagina as if it were
a slip and slide. You cruise down to the tune of Ramblin'
Man and the next thing you know, it's really fucking cold
and you're getting hit already. At this point the human
uses the phrase "son of a bitch". He thinks, "son of a
bitch" it's nice in there, what the fuck am I doing out
here? This feeling extends throughout his whole life as
he is constantly dragged out of slumber to face reality.
Then there's life. For a while you sit around staring at
things and drool. Pretty soon that gets pretty fucking
boring and you decide to get up and try to march around,
you fall on your padded ass a lot and even though it hurts
like a motherfucker it's better than the bore of sitting
Then you have you birthday parties. They're great.
Everyone surrounds you and showers you with gifts. Your
parents invite clowns, get cakes, play music, and you love
everyone (except for that fuck Jay that KNEW you needed
the Orco character to complete your He-Man collection and
still didn't get it).
You have to go to school. Pre-school to 2nd grade you
basically subsist on a diet of paste, dirt, and your own
savory boogers. Noone gives a good god damn who you are
and how you dress because lets face it (our mother's all
have the same taste). By the time you hit 2nd grade
people wise up to the sweet concept of discrimination and
hatred. People start getting made fun of, groups are
formed, and either you're in or you're out. By 3rd grade
you're supposed to be an adult. You learn cursive, move
onto 4th grade and long division. By 5th grade they hit
you in the face with another dose of reality. A cop comes
to your school and tells you how you can avoid getting
shot by him. you're introduced to societal "don'ts"
(whereas you just had your parents). No raping, killing,
or stealing (unless you become famous). You learn about
body odor and the fact that you WILL, yes...you WILL be
attracted to girls. You laugh and giggle, and are blisfull
to the hell of Middle school.
Middle school. It's sorta like a step up in hatred and
ostracization. Groups are tighter, differences are
greater, and your testicles start taping your senses. Its
not nearly as bad it will be, but by now you realize that
your reading teacher IS kinda hot. You get hit with the
hard dose of reality that your mom picking out "colorful"
socks for you to make you look "purty" makes you looking
like a fag, and the kind souls of middle school let you
know this. You finally make it to 8th grade and it's
exoneration. You're finally on top. You kick around 6th
graders, stuffing them up the vending machine slots and
flushing their dignities down the toilet.
Outside of school at this point you're not old enough to
be independent with your friends so inevitably the shadow
of your parents looms over you. but you make due and make
friends. you're devestated as your 8th grade science
teacher who's a cynical drunk says (in not so crude a
words) "middle school don't mean shit.......the people you
know here don't mean shit." you are offended but 6 years
later you realize.....that son of a bitch was right. but
you realize ONE more VERY important thing. the friends
you've kept throught that period are really your friends.
by this time you have the integrity to hate each other but
you don't. and you haven't, and you still like each
other. shit, you need no more.............you need no