Insensitive Kitten

...a diary of Ana...

I was reading someones diary....I've been reading it for a
while but spent some of the night reading all of it....and
wanted to post a few lyrics/notes/poems that spoke to
me....if you wanna read her diary then go to opendiary.com
and jump to FireMouth...she's a wonderfull writer.

Here we go...

This first one was something she wrote...and it comforted
me for some reason

dont you want to be perfect?? 3/15/2001
i will begin by telling you i am here to change your life
forever. i am here to tell you that beauty is only skin
deep. i am here to tell you how to be beautiful. simple.
just say no and keep your mouth closed.you have done it all
before. you have tasted food. you can remember what it
tasted like... so why did you need to do it all over
again?? and again and again?? I will tell you why- because
you were addicted. you didnt know any better.but now you
have had time to learn. i will tell you this: you were a
very silly little girl. but i am giving you a final chance
to succeed.i am giving you a chance to be perfect... dont
you want to be perfect??.. well if you want to acheive this
ultimate perfection, you will have to give everything.
everything. to me. it will no longer be within your power
to decide you will run down to the kitchen and eat those
cookies and candies- like the little girl you once were. it
will be hard at times. i will push you to the limit.now. i
have some physical requirements you must meet... you will
need to keep your weight below 100 lbs.... you should never
eat more than 300 caloriesa day.... you should not be able
to pinch a rolll anywhere on your body (or rather my body)-
remember that. it is not your body to poison with food
anymore.never underestimate my power. i can make you feel
so high... like you are flying. but if you are disobedient,
i will make you feel guilty as hell.everyone lies, but they
think youre a pig. they always said you would be the first
to fall... now i am here to help you prove them wrong. but
i will require a lot from you. remember that...in fact, you
no longer have anything. you have nothing but me. dont let
me down.*Ana* (the dictator)

K...this one really hit me...

"pain is a warning that somethings wrong... you wanna go
higher?"

And...

You tread quietly through the stacks of the vast
library, and you are just now beginning to realize
where it is that you are.
This is the place where the restless souls wander.
This is a place of true loves lost and found again. This is
where the scales are balanced and the wrongs are
set right. There are debts to be paid in this place
and the only currency of any value here is blood
You are standing at the crossroads of life and
death, and no matter how hard you try, you can't
remember how you got to this place.
Then you hear a voice like a whisper and the
rustle of feathers over your shoulder, and the
memories all come flooding back. .

This describes cutting amazingly well...

shiver
in the presence of your blue electric
lie on the floor and bow before your leader
(he without embodiment has chosen his host)close your eyes
feel your senses paralyse
only faintly conscious
as your tear filed eyes freeze oversoothed with stinging
kisses
and slashes
massacre always conducted in perfect silencedrift far away
and spend the day
in a blue electric hazewaiting urgently (willingly)
for the crimson darkness
to return
and engulf youintoxicating
terrifying
liberating
blue electric

Finally...this was one of her notes...

Anorexia is not a disease.
Anorexia is not a game.
Anorexia is a skill, perfected only by a few. The chosen,
the pure, the flawless

I just thought I would share words that comforted my
dilluded, diseased, soul.