jallure

as always...about him.

well, sorry its been awhile... it's strange i've been
feeling rather empty lately, so i havent wrote...however,
almost on a daily basis; i've been reading others.

empty...it seems at the end of every week... there is an
arguement between my boyfriend and i... i guess you could
say it starts because of me, however i feel so alone and
empty at times...times when i think my boyfriend should be
there... however, he never seems to completely realize
anything is wrong. ;( im so tired of feeling like this...
but then again everyone tells me; he's a guy and no matter
what he'll never be able to understand everything i feel.
that sucks, but i guess its true. [but...it still hurts and
leaves me feeling alone]*sighs* i get so emotional at
times.

on the other hand...RC came to see me monday ;) i felt
special and important; something in which he hasnt made me
feel in awhile. sometimes i ask myself why i stay with
him...why do i stay and continue to be unhappy at times?
but...the truth is, dear readers... our souls have become
one. i love him, my family loves him, my friends [well,
the people who i discuss him with lol] everyone just loves
him to death...dont get me wrong i love him with everything
in me, but just at times i feel like as well as we know
each other; we should be able to understand each other. i
must admit, i have a hard time understanding him and his
perspective but he has a harder time understanding what i
feel and say to him when i am trying to make things better.

*sighs again* i feel so pathetic at times... i just want
to cry and be unhappy. it happens at least once a week, lol.
gosh, i am so selfish at times. i just want things to
revolve around me and my outlook...i need to find a way to
help that and possibly change it...i'll think about it.