Heather

The Self-Analysis Of An Average Girl
2002-03-26 14:58:02 (UTC)

Mirage

Sometimes I see the sun peeking through the clouds,
Constant Reader. I feel warm & happy--complete, if you
will. But is it really the sun or just some mirage fucking
with my head? I guess I'll never be certain.

Today is a good day thus far. My swollen tongue is
starting to go down--I'm determined to head to the gym
today to work my butt (literally) off--and I have made a
few online friends on a forum I frequent. No easy feat,
that. I had made several enemies there in recent months by
telling them that I am both bisexual and Wiccan. People
chased me from thread to thread, saying some really shitty
stuff (for the most part, it rolled off of me). But it
seems now I've made a few friends--so I feel it was worth
staying. I'm not one to run away from a fight and if
people cannot love me for who I am, fuck them.

Funny that I can say (and mean) that about other people,
but cannot seem to love myself no matter what I do.

I'm anxious. Paul & I, though we're already married, will
be having our handfasting on May 11th in New Orleans. I'm
so anxious to leave. I don't know if it's the ceremony
itself that I long terribly for...or the escape from
Nebraska. How anyone can love this area so much I will
never know. It's flat, lacking water or trees, and has
nothing to do entertainment-wise. I believe I hate it
here. Paul has put in for a Permissive PCS and he will
check with MPF today to see if we, by chance, got orders
from this last EQUALS. No. I will not explain the
acronyms of the Air Force to you, Constant Reader. Certain
parts of one's education must be sought out--not handed
directly to you. ;)

So it's a good day. I'm going to eat something, drink some
water, then sit back & wait for the mirage to fully reveal
itself. Adieu.




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