Oh,The Insanity
2002-03-26 04:35:13 (UTC)

My life is a dark room, one big dark room

Lately I've been "doing good" as my mom would say. I
haven't cried(in public) and I'm slowly making everyone
(except Vicki) believe that I'll be ok. But that's not
reality. If any of my "friends" were to read my thoughts,
they'd commit me because, I admit, some of them are just
deranged. But, this a diary. A place where I can tell the
truth. Okay, so this is the truth:
I feel dead. I can't understand why I just can't get over
Adam. I can't accept the fact that he doesn't love me
anymore and I need to move on. Everytime I even think of
it, I start to cry. I don't know why I can't just deal
with my feelings, but I do know that I'm not getting
anywhere by trying to make Adam believe I want to be ONLY a
friend. I miss him so much, but he likes Jenn now, and
anyone will tell you, she's so much better than I am. She's not
vindictive, she does pot, she skinny and she'd probably be
better for him than I ever was. So, this is the part where
I burst into tears and of course, right on cue. I wish I
could just stop feeling.