Blue Castle reverie

My Saga
2002-03-26 03:42:30 (UTC)

I feel like a horrible person....

I'm a horrible person, and I feel terrible, and all I did
was sit here... aargh... Brant IM'd me and we were talking
about Cell Bio from Saturday, or some such nonsense, and
then he brought up prom, and eventually got around to "hey,
we should go together", and I said "that could be fun", and
i went 'ohhhh crap'. I IM'd Sarah to tell her, which I'm
not sure whether that was the right thing to do or not. I
thought she should know, since she's been confiding in me
about how much in love with him she still is, and how sorry
she is that she broke up with him, lately, and anyways, she
got a lot more upset than I thought she would. She was
going on about how he was never going to love her again, or
something like that. And then I felt really bad for
hurting her, and then I felt even worse when I was
like "umm, sorry, no" to Brant, because I know it sounded
really lame, because I said something about it not being
fair to Sarah, and I think I hurt his feelings. Which
sucks, because he's a really nice guy, and he's also very
shy, so it had to be kind of hard for him to ask. And
aargh, it sucks for me too, because now I feel really
crappy, like I've hurt two people whom I care a lot about,
and besides, I would have liked to go to prom with Brant;
we would have had a lot of fun, and I do kind of like
him... and for once I'd actually like to get to go to a
high school dance.

And this doesn't sound like it matters at all, but it's
hard to explain, and it came out sounding really silly and
ditzy and petty. But it really does suck, and I'm not
looking forward to a couple of awkward situations tomorrow.