Dave's Mental Meanderings
2002-03-26 00:50:57 (UTC)

Even More People I Hate

Here’s another group of fuck-ups who need to be penciled in
for a quick visit from the Angel of Death:

People who constantly play guitar in public… badly. What
is it about a six string acoustic steel guitar that is so
goddamn inviting to people who think they’re Jimi Hendrix
just because they can play a few Green Day songs. If you
are guilty of this crime against humanity, I have something
to say to you: learn some fucking variety or go home. I
have no problem with someone who can play an instrument
well and does so in public; in fact, I rather enjoy it.
But I swear to god, the next time I’m sitting outside,
trying to enjoy the weather and read a book in peace and
there’s some Abercrombie-clad, bleached-tip hair son-of-a-
bitch playing the first 20 seconds of Stairway to Heaven
over and over in an attempt to look like he has more than
abysmal taste in music, I’m going to jam his $50 K-Mart
guitar so far up his ass that his colon starts playing
Uncle John’s Band. I don’t give a fuck how many Dave
Matthews songs you think you know, I think I speak for a
whole lot of people who actually respect decent music when
I say that you need to play something different, god forbid
something good, or else go home, download some Van Halen,
Eric Clapton, Allman Brothers Band, or maybe even some
Yngwie Malmsteen, and listen to what a real guitar player
sounds like. You’re not Bob Dylan, you’re not Arlo
Guthrie, so you certainly can’t get away with strumming the
same fucking chords over and over and expect anybody who
isn’t deaf to think you’re any good.

Now that I got that off my chest, who else wants to step?

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