my thought's deep inside
Ad 0:
2001-05-17 13:25:50 (UTC)


Dear Diary:
well today was another day of pain i cant quite explain. i
have a feeling that you cant express cause of uncertenty of
what it is! i have this feeling when around people i like
and never want to leave. like today i was with Kristina oh i
really really like her but i'm not sure if she like's me?"i
hope she does" i think she is very nice, sencative, and
caring person full of love seaking a lover. i like her warm
smile, which fills me with happyness i cant control! if only
i could be the one she's been dreaming about "the one".
today i felt so.............pissed off to see her brother
hitting her " i think that a guy should never hite a girl no
matter what! as my heart beats faster and butterflies sture
in my stomach i feel a sence to rejoice but than i ask
myself "for what"? and i can never seem to answer that.
maybe i just am to ansious to find true love or maybe it's
that i fall too easy for people? i never will now! the
thought of us going out makes me smile in relief, but that's
when reality kicks in DAMIT! maybe i will put an end to this
pain and uncertanty and ask her out? i believe the words
from my dad when he said " Chris it's better to have loved
and lost than to have not loved at all" it's so true but a
painful thought really!if God didn't invent true love than
who did? love isn't all they say it is yes once you find it
it's their forever and so strong and a wonderful thing
really, but when searching it's painful and depressing to
have lost what you never once had! i think i worrie to much
for now on i will let love find me istead of trying to find
love. but i dont want it to find me and me miss my chance.
i'm just afraid to not find love or afraid to find love and
lose it forever. i've been threw alote in my life so fare
and i need something in my life that is close and warm.
something rather than my family or friends or God i need
true love!!!!!
Sincerely Chris