Corruption in all its beautiful forms..
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2002-03-24 22:57:00 (UTC)

Black and mild

Sittin here listenin to a mixed cd, smokin a black and
mild, mmmm good. Josh and Joyce and Chris went to go get
food and cigarettes, i didnt want to go, so im here. I told
Josh it was easier to handle assholes than sweet guys,
sweet guys intimidate me, so he's being an ass and we're
getting along better, its weird, i have some issues. Last
night he grabbed my nose and squeezed and so now i have
this big ass bruise on my nose thats VERY noticable, and i
look like a fucking dork. I got mad and punched the wall so
my nuckles are all fucked up. My mom says because of me
getting arrested so frequently lately that she thinks i
should only stay the weekend, this weekend in michigan
which is total bs. She said if i have an adult claim
responsiblity for me, that i may be able to stay, so im
talking to my girl jordan, and i may be able to stay with
her hopefully. I want to stay, i never want to come back to
this hell hole. Last night i told josh that i loved him but
i wasnt in love with him, and its either im not in love
with him or that its just so different so calm that im
misinterpreting it, im not sure, but it doesnt feel the
same. Ranae just called she wants josh and i to go sit with
her kids, i love kids i just found out, and being around
children all the time reminds me so much of katherine, my
sister, my dads girlfriends daughter, that i spend every
day with for 4 years, i love her sooo much, the biggest
regret about leaving florida were her, and her living
conditions, i pray to god, if there is one that she turns
out ok, that she doesnt end up like them, self loathing or
like me. I was her mom, i helped her with homework, her
problems, when she was hurt i took care of her, she's gonna
be 12 in june. God, when i get a car im going to visit her
oh yes, i dont care what her mom says, its what she says
and if she wants to see me, then her mom just wont know,
stupid cunt alcoholic whore, i wish i could adopt her, but
im not blood, so i cant.Geeze.
Well enough im out.

Mood:im not sure, eclectic
Song:so happy together

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