*MS JLYN*

ALMOST DOESN'T COUNT

Goodness, looking for a prom dress is very stressful. I
found the dress, but something was wrong with it, so I'm
waiting to see if it can get alterations. It's a royal blue
color. At first, I was hesitant about it, but when I tried
it on.....I liked it. It has silver beading. It's nice. LV
said he didn't have a problem with me wearing blue. I
didn't know I would look so good in blue. Yessssssss,
Spring Break 2002 is here. I don't have any definite plans
yet. I really want to go up to Clemson Thursday. Just to
see some new faces....ya know! Then Friday, Faris was
talking about taking a ride up to the "A" and going to the
BOUNCE. Hey, you know I'm up for it! Tonite, me and Faris
rode around for a little while, then we stopped at BLU's.
I'm thinking about getting a tattoo. I want one where your
pelvic bone is. I was thinking about getting something like
a heart w/ some Chinese writing or something. I think I
want "Beautiful One" in Chinese letters. I don't know.
Before I get one, I will definitely have to put some more
thought into it. Anyway, my cousin from Atlanta emailed me
the other day. She wants to come visit me. See, she's my
cousin on my father's side. I haven't seen her in forever.
For a while, we were emailing each other every other day.
Now, it's very seldomly. Okay ok, I didn't want to mention
this in my diary because.....hell, I don't know. Alright,
Leroy emailed me several days ago saying some mess(not
really mess) about how he wanted to thank me for being by
his side the past few years. I haven't told anyone about
this. I mean, I let my mama read it.....but that's it.
Well, in some ways it means a lot to me, but then
again....it's bullshit. It kinda doesn't stand for anything
to me. It just says that yeah, he knew he had me....but I
didn't have him. I emailed him back. I wasn't going to at
first, but I saw him at the PJ party and he did speak. I
will admit that the whole decision I'm making to not talk
to him anymore is more "mind" than it is "heart". I want to
believe that he is trying to be sincere. But my mind tells
me that maybe this is just a front....for what I don't
know. I feel bad because the concern I should have with
what I'm going to say to my father.....is more about how I
feel about Leroy. I want Leroy in my life. I don't know why
though. I don't want him to be anything to me....I just
want to know that I have him there. Sometimes, I wish life
was a fairy tale because if it was then I would end up with
Leroy at the end. Despite everything, I would still want to
be with Leroy. I'd make the exception for him. That's why I
feel bad because the exception I would make for him isn't
one that I would make for my father. The pain felt from my
daddy is definitely greater than anything Leroy has dealt
out. But I feel like the whole thing should be visa versa.
Leroy should be the one that I don't make the exception
for. Man, I don't know. Can you go to hell for making a
decision like that? Picking "water" over "blood".

Gonna find me somebody
Not afraid to let go
Want a no-doubt-be-there kind of man
You came real close
But everytime you build me up
You only let me down
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count...............
..................................
Maybe you'll be sorry
Maybe you'll be cold
Maybe you'll come runnin' back, babe
From the cruel cruel world
Almost convinced me
You're gonna stick around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

So maybe I'll be here
Maybe I'll see ya around
That's the way it goes
Almost doesn't count

*J*