stitches5

My Life
2002-03-24 05:57:58 (UTC)

if u only read one,read this.

have you ever heard that one song that makes you wander
about how everything turned out the way it did?have u ever
been lonely and held your own hand at night?have you ever
cryed and prayed for someone to wipe away your pain?have
you ever thought of death,and exactly how many people would
care if you died?had you ever done something you regret
later?had you ever dressed a certain way to get noticed?or
kissed people you had no intrest in,just a for a few
moments of the feeling of being needed then later aware you
mean nothing?have you ever looked at your slef in the
mirror and wished you weren't you?have you ever said "i
love you" simply to hear it back?were u ever curious if
there was someone just like you out there,and did you feel
sorry for them and those who know them?have you ever been
abandoned then wander how someone could do that to one?ive
done these all...i get depressed and i sit in my room and
listen to music sometimes manson sometimes orgy and
sometimes even madonna and maybe some country...and you
know what?it dosent matter to me what people think anymore
i guess you realize that when you know you are loved...you
wont spend an hour doing your make up or all night choosing
the next days out fit,bcz you know you arent going out to
impress the world....back when i actually had a friend we
took our stuffed animals she had a bear and i had a monkey
we took a knife and cut a hole in thier writs and slid a
cologn'e sample inside,to smell like a guy,bcz u dould
cuddle them and talk to them and not hear things u dont
want to hear and just sit them somewhere today i thought of
my father...and i now realize i love no older male
form...no uncles..i never knew my granpa well enough and
before he passes away isnt the best time to start,and well
my father....he walked out on me at age four and married
his mistress....i thank him for my birth but in no way do i
love him..he hurt me more than i can say i dont know what i
would do if i saw him..scream at him...cry..throw soemthign
at him...walk away..maybe all of them.im not sure anymore,i
remember different past people in my life ones who liked me
went away 2 that loved me passed away the other that loved
me abandoned me and all my old friend well...either moved
or got knocked up and moved on and i realized that you find
who your true self is when you hve no one..when u dont go
to public school you dont worry about trend or impressing
the cute guy in the back of the room..when you have no
friend s you find your personality you find your laugh,your
walk,the way you dress..when i was younger and had friends
i imaged them i lost myself i had thier laugh thier
walk,etc.i was a mirror image...and well over the years i
have plled away from all people and now are in my
own "bubble" but on the upside i found myself i walk like a
normal person but i walk spiffy in boots..i laugh like a
dork making guinea pig squeaks and im addicted to gummi
bears and i dress in black mostly or things that stnd out
and i stroll around town in leopard houseshoes..know why?
bczi have no friends i have no one to impress and i have
nothing to lose i dont care about thier "trends" i am me
and that is what i will always be if any of you have
anything in common write to me.
[email protected] or hit feed back it goes
straight to my email.thanks so much if you read this.




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