2002-03-24 05:57:37 (UTC)

My friend Steve

My friend Steve is so chill. Here is the coversation we had
tonight. It made me feel better about a few things, and I
hope he feels better too.

CandiCat314: I like being here, but I don't feel all that
CandiCat314: I don't know
Gogeta11482: why is that?
CandiCat314: my friends from home are even better than they
were before
CandiCat314: we have actually grown even closer
CandiCat314: here... well I am alone
CandiCat314: it isn't fun
Gogeta11482: maybe you don't belong here
CandiCat314: I don't know
CandiCat314: maybe
CandiCat314: it may just be my mood lately
Gogeta11482: how come
Gogeta11482: ?
CandiCat314: I am female. We are weird like that
Gogeta11482: lol
Gogeta11482: no shit
CandiCat314: it is annoying too
CandiCat314: you can't control it
Gogeta11482: i know what uyou mean
CandiCat314: I really hate it
Gogeta11482: i hate my life
CandiCat314: why is that?
Gogeta11482: cause I am all alone
CandiCat314: I was going to ask you about that. Someone
said you were with Cathy
Gogeta11482: hehe
Gogeta11482: not anymore
Gogeta11482: I broke it off
Gogeta11482: and she found someone else
CandiCat314: really?
CandiCat314: dare I ask
Gogeta11482: ask her
CandiCat314: umm ok
CandiCat314: well, more importantly, are you ok with it?
Gogeta11482: yeah
Gogeta11482: I can't be with her right now
CandiCat314: then, ok it's all good in the hood
CandiCat314: why can't you be with her?
Gogeta11482: because I am still madly in love with Kari
Gogeta11482: but can't have her
Gogeta11482: and it's killing me
CandiCat314: soyou really can't be with anyone
CandiCat314: and you need time to yourself
CandiCat314: and to not think about females
Gogeta11482: no
Gogeta11482: I need to meet a new girl
CandiCat314: then what
CandiCat314: that doesn't always work
Gogeta11482: someoen I have no history with
CandiCat314: she'll probably be just a rebound girl
Gogeta11482: I just want a serious relationship with someone
CandiCat314: that isn't fair to either of you
Gogeta11482: Cathy was
CandiCat314: I can understand wanting that
Gogeta11482: i am so sick of the games
CandiCat314: yeah, I am not so sure if I understand Cathy
very well
CandiCat314: especially when it comes to guys
Gogeta11482: what do you mean?
Gogeta11482: she is a bit weird...she would not stop moving
in on me even when I told her I loved Kari....she put so
much damn pressure on me
CandiCat314: she always seems to jump down their pants (no
offense to you), and doesn't seem to know how else to be
with them
Gogeta11482: very true
Gogeta11482: you are right
Gogeta11482: that's why I can't be with her
CandiCat314: I can't look at her the same way
CandiCat314: she messed around with my friend
CandiCat314: and I lost any respect I had for her
Gogeta11482: who?????
Gogeta11482: whoa whoa whoa
CandiCat314: a while ago
Gogeta11482: when was this?
Gogeta11482: who was it?
Gogeta11482: was his name Zack?
CandiCat314: yeah
CandiCat314: he is a very close friend of mine
Gogeta11482: they messed around?
CandiCat314: I didn't say anything
CandiCat314: you didn't hear anything from me
Gogeta11482: don't worry
Gogeta11482: like what did they do?
Gogeta11482: I never heard the whole story on that
CandiCat314: I don't think I am supposed to say
Gogeta11482: just tell me candi
Gogeta11482: you have to now
Gogeta11482: lol
Gogeta11482: I am in suspense
CandiCat314: promise not to say anything
Gogeta11482: i sware
CandiCat314: ok ok
CandiCat314: so they met at some party
Gogeta11482: it will just clarify my beliefs
CandiCat314: ok ok
Gogeta11482: i know that much
CandiCat314: she started hitting on him hardcore
Gogeta11482: like what do you mean?
CandiCat314: before he knew it they were making out
CandiCat314: I don't know
Gogeta11482: ok, go on
CandiCat314: he didn' t say
CandiCat314: but that was on friday
Gogeta11482: this friday!
CandiCat314: no no no
CandiCat314: it was a friday night
CandiCat314: and by sunday
Gogeta11482: ogh oh oh
CandiCat314: she came over to is place
CandiCat314: and they ummm
CandiCat314: well
CandiCat314: they
CandiCat314: you know what I mean jelly bean
Gogeta11482: WHAT!
Gogeta11482: WTF!
CandiCat314: that is why I wasn't supposed to say anything
Gogeta11482: ok, i feel about 50 times better now for
dumping her! Candi, you should have said something sooner
CandiCat314: yeah, since I knew what was going on
Gogeta11482: but uit's not your faulkt
CandiCat314: otay
Gogeta11482: I am so skeeved out right now
Gogeta11482: so what happened between the two of them?
CandiCat314: he was bothered by the whole situation
CandiCat314: he felt dirty and used
CandiCat314: and he didn't like her that much
CandiCat314: and she was being a major bitch about it
Gogeta11482: well I remember her saying that he spred lies
about her
CandiCat314: nope
CandiCat314: he didn't tell anyone but me and Abby
Gogeta11482: Cathy says they never had sex
CandiCat314: she is a liar
CandiCat314: Zach wouldn't lie to me
CandiCat314: especially about something like that
Gogeta11482: ok
Gogeta11482: I lost a lot of respect for her now
CandiCat314: now you know why I never hang out with her
Gogeta11482: she grosses me out
CandiCat314: and when I see her, I feel weird
CandiCat314: she has grossed me out for a while now
Gogeta11482: that how she sucks guys in....she sleeps with
Gogeta11482: your friend Zach and I....well we got caught
up in it?
Gogeta11482: brb
CandiCat314: ok
Gogeta11482 signed off at 12:08:36 AM.
Gogeta11482 signed on at 12:08:39 AM.
Gogeta11482: back
CandiCat314: hola
Gogeta11482: so yeah
CandiCat314: telephono?
Gogeta11482: yeah
CandiCat314: coolio
CandiCat314: anywho
Gogeta11482: Zach and I got caught up in her bullshit
CandiCat314: yupp
Gogeta11482: I'm so pissed at myself
Gogeta11482: I am smarter than that
CandiCat314: yeah, that is why I had to ask you if you were
actually dating her
Gogeta11482: no
Gogeta11482: now never
Gogeta11482: that is so slutty
CandiCat314: don't say that I said anything
CandiCat314: yeah
CandiCat314: it is
Gogeta11482: i won't
Gogeta11482: i promise
Gogeta11482: I'm gonna get it out of her though
CandiCat314: ahh
CandiCat314: mention that you met Zach
CandiCat314: and maybe I introduced you two
Gogeta11482: I won't even mention your name
CandiCat314: and he brought up that your name sounded
Gogeta11482: what does he think of her?
CandiCat314: he doesn't think of her
CandiCat314: not anymore
CandiCat314: he doesn't waste his time
Gogeta11482: did he like her?
CandiCat314: at first
Gogeta11482: but your positive they fucked?
CandiCat314: but not after she jumped into bed with him
CandiCat314: yeah
Gogeta11482: man, we really fit the stereotype don't we?
CandiCat314: it's ok
Gogeta11482: i feel so used
CandiCat314: I know both you and Zach are good gus
CandiCat314: so does Zach
Gogeta11482: I can do so much better than this shit
CandiCat314: yeah
CandiCat314: you can
Gogeta11482: that's how she fucking sucks guys in
CandiCat314: why do I feel like I give this talk to so many
of my guy friends
CandiCat314: ohh yeah
Gogeta11482: at least Kari is respectable
CandiCat314: she is
Gogeta11482: I'd like to meet this guy
CandiCat314: he is an awesome person
CandiCat314: he is in the Hartt school with me
CandiCat314: relax relax
CandiCat314: please don't get so upset
Gogeta11482: ....I loved her so much
Gogeta11482: and look how I fucked things up
CandiCat314: I know you did, but things happen
CandiCat314: and they happen for a reason
Gogeta11482: I sitll lover her
CandiCat314: maybe you needed this time away to realize how
much the other means, or maybe you were meant to meet
someone totally different
Gogeta11482: she is everything I could ever want
Gogeta11482: AND I FUCKD IT UP!!! :'(
CandiCat314: please please please, don't get so upset
CandiCat314: relax
CandiCat314: ok
CandiCat314: calm down
Gogeta11482: I can't........
CandiCat314: try
CandiCat314: please
CandiCat314: calm down
Gogeta11482: I can;t tell you how much I wish I could take
that night away
CandiCat314: I know it doesn't help that is conversation is
over AIM, ut please try to hear my voice when I say calm
CandiCat314: and I believe you
CandiCat314: but shit happens
CandiCat314: ok
Gogeta11482: I'm such a dirt bag
CandiCat314: shit happens
CandiCat314: no you aren't
Gogeta11482: to sleep with someone like that
CandiCat314: you didn't know any better
CandiCat314: you made a mistake
Gogeta11482: you is so nasty
CandiCat314: everyone does
CandiCat314: excuse me?
Gogeta11482: that's another reason I couldn't be with her
Gogeta11482: lol
Gogeta11482: sorry she is
Gogeta11482: typed the wrong word
CandiCat314: ohh ok
CandiCat314: thank you
Gogeta11482: I'm sooooooo sorry
CandiCat314: wanted to clear that one up
CandiCat314: it's all good
Gogeta11482: that was so not what I wanted to type
CandiCat314: I know
CandiCat314: it's ok
Gogeta11482: but she is
Gogeta11482: so very nasty
CandiCat314: she is
CandiCat314: and that isn't your fault that she is nasty
Gogeta11482: like, when we did stuff, I hated it
Gogeta11482: because she was so nasyu
Gogeta11482: nasty
CandiCat314: exactly
CandiCat314: so at least somewhere in your mind you knew it
was wrong
CandiCat314: you aren't a bad person
CandiCat314: you messed up
CandiCat314: and life will go on
CandiCat314: whether anything good happens between you and
Kari, I don't know
Gogeta11482: like I never did anything down there in any
way..because it just grossed me out
CandiCat314: but for now.... live on
CandiCat314: i understand that
Gogeta11482: and that is so not like me
Gogeta11482: FUCKING NASTY!! lol
CandiCat314: LOL
CandiCat314: chosers can't always be pickers
Gogeta11482: I would seriously go home and scrub myself
CandiCat314: you are home
CandiCat314: go scrub
CandiCat314: lol
Gogeta11482: lol
CandiCat314: I used to do that
Gogeta11482: haev you ever felt that way?
CandiCat314: one of my ex-bfs was really gross to me ( when
it came to fooling around at least)
Gogeta11482: like you didn't enjoy it because it gtossed
you out?
CandiCat314: and I would go home and take an hour long
shower afterward
CandiCat314: yeah
CandiCat314: and it was uncomfortable
Gogeta11482: can you keep something private?
CandiCat314: of course
Gogeta11482: like I could not take the odor
CandiCat314: lol
Gogeta11482: it was like I total turn off
CandiCat314: you know what that means, don't you?
Gogeta11482: what?
CandiCat314: she didn't wash down there
Gogeta11482: is that was it is?
CandiCat314: the only girls that smell really bad are the
ones that don't wash
CandiCat314: and have an unbalanced diet
Gogeta11482: and she got all fucking sweaty
CandiCat314: eeeuie
CandiCat314: I hate that with guys
Gogeta11482: fucking gross
Gogeta11482: so she never washed?
CandiCat314: maybe not never
CandiCat314: but never specified that area
Gogeta11482: that's so gross
CandiCat314: I don't know how you can miss it
CandiCat314: lol
Gogeta11482: like the very thought of me doing something
down there...made me wanna puke
CandiCat314: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeuiiieeeeeeeee
CandiCat314: that is not cool at all
Gogeta11482: sometimes the stench woudl be so bad, that I
would crindge when she wasn't looking, or change positions
CandiCat314: that is terrible
Gogeta11482: so yeah, I think I made a good decision
CandiCat314: I know a girl like that, and she is also an
easy piece of ass and all my guy friends refer to her and
smelly conch
CandiCat314: because her last name in conciatori
Gogeta11482: lol
Gogeta11482: and it wasn't the same ya know?
Gogeta11482: like Kari and I knew each other bodies in and
CandiCat314: yeah, that I really understand
Gogeta11482: i NEVER EVER wanted to know Cathy's
CandiCat314: lol
CandiCat314: that is one of my problems with guys now
Gogeta11482: what's that?
CandiCat314: I got so used to Andrew's body and him just
knowing mine that I really don't want to touch any other
CandiCat314: but I certainly don't want to touch him either
Gogeta11482: i so know what you mean
Gogeta11482: like, i dunno, I never saw myself being
intimate with cathy
CandiCat314: it sucks
CandiCat314: exactly
Gogeta11482: with Kari...god it felt sooooooooo good
CandiCat314: yup
Gogeta11482: like I hated myself everytime Idid something
with cathy
CandiCat314: I think I'm affraid of knew people too
CandiCat314: that is awful
Gogeta11482: hwo coem
Gogeta11482: ?
CandiCat314: I don't know. I am affraid of having to start
all over again
CandiCat314: and it not working out
Gogeta11482: me too
Gogeta11482: I so hear ya
CandiCat314: as if it will be a waste of my time
CandiCat314: but I know it won't
Gogeta11482: but we both have to
CandiCat314: I don't know
CandiCat314: yeah
CandiCat314: damn reality
CandiCat314: !
Gogeta11482: I just wanna go out a few times with a girl
CandiCat314: yeah, I tried that with Casey
CandiCat314: and he just scared me
Gogeta11482: and like develop a nice inimate relationship
CandiCat314: yeah
CandiCat314: I miss that
CandiCat314: and I am finally ready to move on
CandiCat314: during this break I realized that
Gogeta11482: because if there is one way I have is not a big priority anymore, because
without intimacy, it means nothing
Gogeta11482: move on from what?
CandiCat314: YAY!!!!!
CandiCat314: you get it!
CandiCat314: a guy gets it!!!
CandiCat314: Wooohooo
CandiCat314: ohh sorry
CandiCat314: umm, move on from Andrew and Charlie and just
the past in general
Gogeta11482: yeha
Gogeta11482: i hear ya
Gogeta11482: you know what I want?
CandiCat314: what
Gogeta11482: I know I am ready for this.....I could start
tommorrow if I could...
CandiCat314: lol
CandiCat314: ok
CandiCat314: sooo
CandiCat314: .......
CandiCat314: what are you going to do?
Gogeta11482: I want to meet a girl, go out with her have a
great affectionate, ya know hold hands, kiss,
hug, things like that, and develop a nice intimate
relationship, this way when we did things, I wold actually
enjoy it
CandiCat314: that is what every girl wants
Gogeta11482: I gay?
CandiCat314: so good luck, but now that you know the truth
behind females.... you won't need luck
CandiCat314: noooooooooo
CandiCat314: you are just smarter and ahead of some other
Gogeta11482: i just need to meet the right girl
Gogeta11482: you know what else I love?
CandiCat314: you won't find her right away
CandiCat314: what?
Gogeta11482: I love to meet someone who gets me involved in
other things
CandiCat314: like what? activities?
CandiCat314: clubs?
Gogeta11482: yeah
Gogeta11482: well just anythign in general
Gogeta11482: like different interest
CandiCat314: good for you
CandiCat314: I'm glad to hear you are feeling so up and out
and about
CandiCat314: you go Boy!
Gogeta11482: lol
Gogeta11482: i feel better after talking with you
CandiCat314: I try
CandiCat314: that's what friends are for
Gogeta11482: but I know I'll wake up and feel like shit
CandiCat314: don
CandiCat314: 't
CandiCat314: and if you do
CandiCat314: get online and talk to me
CandiCat314: or call
Gogeta11482: awwwwww
CandiCat314: or doing something
CandiCat314: go running
Gogeta11482: you are awesome Candi
CandiCat314: thanks
CandiCat314: but right now you need to focus on you
CandiCat314: on your happiness
Gogeta11482: some guy is gonna snag you one day, and he's
going to be the luckiest guy
CandiCat314: thanks sweets
CandiCat314: I hope you're right
Gogeta11482: I don't know what would make me happy
Gogeta11482: I know I am
Gogeta11482: I'd bet anythign on it
CandiCat314: but it's going to take a while
Gogeta11482: you just have to look in teh right placea
Gogeta11482: s
CandiCat314: most people don't know that secretly I am nice
CandiCat314: shhhhhhhh
Gogeta11482: eh...could be sooner than you think
CandiCat314: lol
Gogeta11482: lol
CandiCat314: that is what I always say to myself
CandiCat314: it is almost never true
Gogeta11482: what's that?
CandiCat314: usually I just bump into him, and before I
know it
CandiCat314: he is mine
CandiCat314: what?
Gogeta11482: let me ask you something
CandiCat314: shoot
Gogeta11482: do you haev confidence when it comes to
meeting guys?
CandiCat314: ehhh, yes and no
Gogeta11482: you strike me as a bit seld-conscoious
CandiCat314: I know I am not all that attractive, but I
know I am not ugly. Then I realize that I talk so much and
it scares a lot of guys away, but some guys like that
CandiCat314: yeah, a little
CandiCat314: lol
Gogeta11482: hehe you are far from ugly Candi
CandiCat314: no I am not that far
CandiCat314: not in comparison with the girls I hang out
CandiCat314: that is my problem
Gogeta11482: are you saying I have bad taste in women?
CandiCat314: I have to make friends with some ugly girls
CandiCat314: lol
Gogeta11482: lol
CandiCat314: no silly
Gogeta11482: that one was over your head wasn't it?
CandiCat314: no it wasn
CandiCat314: 't
Gogeta11482: and btw...I'm not fooled by pretty girls
CandiCat314: I am trying to have two conversations at once
Gogeta11482: ahhh
CandiCat314: most guys are
CandiCat314: in fact, a lot more than I thought
Gogeta11482: i see right though the bullshit
CandiCat314: I think that maybe I'm not smart enough
CandiCat314: or maybe not interesting
CandiCat314: whatever it is
CandiCat314: UHa boys just see past me
Gogeta11482: you are very interesting Candi
Gogeta11482: that's not true
CandiCat314: ohh yes they do
Gogeta11482: .......
Gogeta11482: I don't
CandiCat314: I have yet to met a guy that genuinely likes
me for who I am
CandiCat314: not what I pretend to be
CandiCat314: or what I look like
CandiCat314: or my sexual innuendos
CandiCat314: for me
CandiCat314: no one really bothers trying to get to know me
CandiCat314: because apparently I am too weird or something
CandiCat314: well FUCK THEM!!!!!!!!
Gogeta11482: Candi
CandiCat314: if I could be a lesbian, I would
Gogeta11482: now you need to calm down
CandiCat314: but I don't like pussy
CandiCat314: sorry
Gogeta11482: can I tell you something?
CandiCat314: go ahead
Gogeta11482: if I didnt like you for who you are...i
wouldn't talk to you
CandiCat314: but that is different
CandiCat314: you are you
Gogeta11482: or want to hang out with you
Gogeta11482: so?
CandiCat314: I mean the other boys
Gogeta11482: fuck em
CandiCat314: that is also one out of ... a lot
Gogeta11482: you don't need people like that in your life
Gogeta11482: I'd rather have one good, true friend, than 1
million fake friends
CandiCat314: but I believe that beneath the common
stupidity of the males on this campus and the common
selfish beheavior and the common materialisticness they are
actually good people
Gogeta11482: can you deal with those things though?
CandiCat314: and if I could get a chance to get to know
them, then maybe they would get to know me
Gogeta11482: hehe, I am dirt poor
CandiCat314: I have paitence like you can't imagine
CandiCat314: say what?
CandiCat314: lol
CandiCat314: I get it
Gogeta11482: sometimes you have to look somewhere where you
don;t think some who cares about you is.....and you might
just be surprised
Gogeta11482: just keep that in mind
CandiCat314: I guess
CandiCat314: yeah
CandiCat314: you're right
CandiCat314: I will
CandiCat314: I miss my friend Howie a lot for that reason
Gogeta11482: sometimes the best people are those you think
are out of your league, or you over look
CandiCat314: no matter what happened, he was always there
to tell me how wonderful I am (even if I wasn't)
CandiCat314: you're right
Gogeta11482: sorry to do this, but my parents are kicking
me off
CandiCat314: no prob bon
CandiCat314: bob
Gogeta11482: i will talk to you tommorrow though
Gogeta11482: bye