faiien angei

i was almost there, just a moment away from becoming unclear...

it's funny how things change.
Jason is back in town...we went out to dinner the other
day. I really hadnt realized how much he meant to me till i
saw him again. I knew it was going to happen...the first 2
days he came back, i absoultely hated him. I hated him for
coming back. I hated him for bringing tai with him. I hated
him for not being mine anymore...i hated him because having
him back in town made me hate myself.
HA...It's so much easier to hate people than admit to
yourself what someone means to you...maybe i'm just fucked
up. LOL
Dinner on thursday made it feel almost as if nothing had
changed. Went to the park afterwards...it felt so good to
have him back in my arms...to be back in his arms...at one
point i kissed him...i dont know why, but i had to hold
back the tears. i just looked down at the sand so that he
couldnt see my eyes welling up. i still am not quite sure
why i wanted to cry at that moment...maybe i'll never quite
know.
He's leaving on Monday...as much as i want to see him
before he leaves, maybe it would be better if i just layed
low until then. i dont want to say bye again

eugh. i'm so weak. why am i crying?

i'm a horrible person.