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No time for love Dr. Jones
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2002-03-23 09:54:43 (UTC)

you stare at the ceiling, and ignore what i'm feeling

i suddenly, for no reason whatsoever, feel like talking
about one of my exes, kelly. kelly was my second ever
girlfriend, and is probably the hottest girl i've ever gone
out with on a permanent basis. we knew each other from
school, she was in the grade lower than me when i started
going out with my first ever girlfriend, lisa. there's a
huge story about the kinda sad-ass obsession type thing i
had there, but that's another story all together.

anyhoo, lisa ended up going away to new zealand for a year
to study some kinda bollocks study thing. everything was
fine, i remained faithfull for like 9 months (bully for me,
i'm so proud, etc.). but then along came kelly. she was
fun. by this time i had opted to do year 12 over two years
so kelly (and a WHOLE bunch of my other friends) was in the
same grade as me. we had drama together. it's kinda strange
coz the whole time she was lookin at me in that class, i
was checkin out the scene with this other girl that i was
getting fairly close with, karen. but there, again, is a
whole nother story. so it turns out that kelly has
this 'thing' for me, but i am still unbeknownst at this
stage.

one day in drama, she's feeling really bummed about how she
doesn't have a boyfriend, i'm so sad, etc etc. so, thinking
i was a bit suave i said, there there, and put my arm
around her to comfort her in a wierd sorta funny way. i'm a
bit like that sometimes, i really don't like to be touched
by people normally, unless they're friends and stuff, and
kelly at this stage was an acquaintance at best. so we
spent this whole lesson with my arm around her, me thinking
it was a joke, her loving the attention.

about a month or so later, this drama asignment comes up
where we all have to go see at least one play. at the time
there was this wierd puppet show of cinderella or sumpin
and kelly says to me, hey wanna go? i says sure, thinking
other people will go to. nobody else did, and to this day
i'm still not sure if she told people not to go but anyhoo
alls well what ends well right? so we go to this play, i
fall asleep on her shoulder, laugh laugh, bond bond, all's
good. after the show, we go for coffee, then to this party
we knew was going on. when we got there, everyone we knew
had gone for a walk to a servo to get some drinks, so we
think, cool, we'll walk after em. walk walk walk, bond bond
bond, all's good. then comes the bit where she drives me
home, all night i've been telling her about how i'm not so
sure about me and lisa anymore, we don't really talk as
much and i feel like i'm a different person than she would
know me to be, and kelly's sitting there telling me how i
should just confront her and say i think we're over. drive
drive drive, bond bond bond, we end up holding hands while
she's driving along. that's the day we said we officially
started going out, 27th of september. that's still my
bankcard number too, four years later, isn't that kooky?

about two days later, we're officially going out. yipslap,
all's good again. two weeks later i finally get a chance to
tell lisa on the phone, she cries, i say i'm sorry, she
cries, i feel like shit. but i got me this hot new
girlfriend and all is good.

fast forward four months, still together my parents say,
hey ric, we're moving to the middle of bttfuck nowhere for
dad's promotion, wanna come? haha! like fuck loving family,
ric's in love, all is good with the world, on your merry
way, we'll find our own place to live and prove you all
wrong. so we did. and they did. (leave that is) everything
is grouse as hell, we're the first couple we know that
moves in together, parties, drinking, fuggin great times
for all. then came the second month. settling down, getting
used to living together, still in love, still having a
ball. parents left in january, along comes july. parents
going on a trip to bali, wanna know if i wanna come to?
their shout! woohoo! hell no, kelly says, no that's fine,
you go, i'll live in our place all by myself boohoo sob
sob, etc. i get guilty, say nah mum and dad, go without me.
regretted it every day since. but we're still together,
still happy.

life was kinda strange with kelly coz she was always tired
and never wanted to go out, just stay home, never called
her friends, always bitched that they never called her.
kooky. anyway, i still wanted to go and have fun with my
friends, but this didn't happen often coz i'd taken a trip
to whipsville. but everynow and then, i'd sit around with
my best mate romper, who pretty much lived at my house.
we'd hang out, play playstation and stuff, generally lark
arund, we was good mates me and him. so when kelly would go
to sleep, we'd sneak out of the house and go cruising in
his car, real rebelly and the like.

one night, romper's over and kelly's home and we're sittin
around and we're all like, what shall we do? someone
suggested let's get drunk, fun game that, normally. all's
good, we're all sloshed having a fun time taking the piss
on the tele, when kelly whispers in my ear that she feels
frisky and would like a treesome, what do i think? what do
i think? fuckin no of course, but me being the accomodating
chap i am, says sure, but you have to breach the subject
with romper, i have to piss. when i get back, they're
sittin there and romper's lookin at me wierd, kelly goes
off to piss. romper says, you sure about this? i say (very
drunkenly i might add) yeah, she wants it, you're still a
virgin (bwaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahhaha! sorry about that) why
not? so she comes back from the loo, i say it's all good,
she flops out the tittties, and, rather awkwardly, it's on
for all. kinda strange situation but, kelly ended up
bailing out to puke, romper never got his end in, i did but
didn't finish. next morning, it's really strange, we all go
out to hungry jack's for lunch and pledge (in a silent not
so many words sorta way) never to speak of it again.

along comes august and i'm happy as larry. kelly seems
happy, all is good. along comes august 8, and she wants to
talk. now i went to see her at work that day and as i left
i tried to kiss her goodbye, she pulled away. unusaul, but
i let it slide (ha i sounded tough right there haha). then
she gets home from work. i'm like "hey honey how's your
day, etc." she's like i need to talk. "i don't feel happy
in this relationship anymore, you don't ay me enough
attention anymore etc etc." we broke up, so sad, boohoo. we
still lived together for a while, until i found out that
she was sleeping with romper. now, here's the truth for
probably the first time ever, but i'm not entirely certain
that she and romper were sleepin together before we broke
up. i just tell everyone that so they feel sorrier for me
than her. geez i'm a top bloke.

broke my heart that girl did. i'm still not over her, and i
don't think i ever will be. the break up was long and very
messy, and it left me financially ruined. i was broke.
broker than that even. but worst of all was my heart. i'm
never ever going to love a girl like that again, for the
simple fact that i let her get closer to me than i should
have. even after her with carolyn, she got close, but
nowhre near as close as i let kelly get to me. carolyn was
the best friend i ever had, including kelly, but she never
got inside like kelly did. i couldn't let her, just in case
she ripped me apart like kelly did. after kelly i was a
mess. i tried to kill myself three times, but i have a
feeling each of those times was more of an attention thing.
the fourth time i tried, i would've succeeded if i hadn't
have been so drunk. i don't really want to talk about it
now, but if not for my mates chris and tom, i'd probaby be
dead now (thanks guys, i love you guys, but not like that
ay).

i still love kelly, in my own sick sort of way, and i've
just been thinking this past 15 minutes, i might still be
with her today, if i had just payed her more attention,
told her i loved her more often. told her she was beautiful
now and again. and i wish i had, i feel terrible, to this
day, for the way i treated her. we don't really talk
anymore, but if i ever see her again, i'm going to make
sure i tell her i'm sorry.


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