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2002-03-23 08:21:53 (UTC)

same old, same old

im in the gray area of the bottom of the oscillation wave.
i doubt ive been to the bottom, but then again, things
somehow seem to be improving. just i glitch i suppose, i
do feel a preminision of a huge drop. i don't think ill
commit suicide over it, but i may do some serious self
mutiliation. thats the only way out, it seems. i have no
other alternatives. ive also considered that a shrink
probably won't even be able to help me, so it might be an
extreme mistake to visit one. a few strange minor
happenings about mercury, but so far, no results. all
frauds. i do somehow feel that she's closer, somehow, but
then again, its inevitable considering time and shit,
whatever. btw, kudos for heatherprincess whomever for
reading some entries and replying, just a thanks. ive
figured out my personality is a lot like nny (read jthm).
im essentially antisocial, but when i do talk, its usually
funny like happy noodle boy, or squee conversations, or i
end up hurting people. i do have a huge dark side, like
him, and afterlife is pretty conflicted at the moment.
anyway, thats my little analogy. school, on a physical
note, is dropping. getting a c in algebra 2, thats the
worst of it, but still, it sucks. i dunno, standstill
theory is coming up more often, which is most disturbing.
anyway, for those whove been to my first website, and know
who im talking about, c has been a strong candidate for
mercury lately. i think we both know something is between
us, whether its true love or a sickly akward uncomfortable
feeling, so its either positive or negative. but both of
us are way too timid to speak of it, so whatever. woah,
head rush... ive been getting fits a lot more often.
probably omens of the bottom of the wave. i like the
operah (classical singing, i dunno how to spell right).
its nice and relaxing, i like it better than classical.
anyway, just to fill up more space and time, the main
concept ive been thinking about to occupy myself is a
movie, this one ive been working on for a while.
basically, an anime of hopefully about 13 or more
characters, no protagonists/antagonists, no heros or
villains, all equal. they'll be an anarchist, nihilist,
Christian, 2 or 3 leaders, buddhits(?), insane one, free
pacifist one, plain homicidal(?), etc etc. all
eliminiating eachother, maybe one die every once in a
while, like at least 10 or 20 episodes apart. ill have
original music (by clint mansell) throughout the series but
every once in a while have a very good somewhat mainstream
song around the end of an episode. i just daydream about
things like amv's of characters with those songs. anyway,
im getting tired of talking about myself. how are you now?