Passionfruit

Worries of a College student

Ok here I begin with telling the world my life. IG eiss
the good thing abot it is that I am anonymous and i can
finally tell others what I am feeling and thinking, right?
Ugh, ok well my first worry is that my period is coming on
very strange this month. It is like I start it, and then it
stops in likea half an hour. Spotting I guess others would
call it. It is scaring me to death, mostly because I have
unprotected sex wtih my boyfriend of four years. We never
use protection. I am soo soo scared. I dont know what is
going on with me and I think I am going to go to the drug
store after this and get a pregnancy test. Ob gosh i am
scared. I know I am stupid not to use protection, but we
always do the withdarwl method so that he doesnt cum inside
of me. HE always pulls out, but what if he didnt pullout
in time and some got inside of me. i am so stupid. iam
suppose to be a biology major and know this shit but I let
my stupidity get the best of me. I pray I am just haveing
an irregualr period this month and that nothing internally
is wrong with me. please please let me be healthy inside.
What if something is going wrong besides pregnacy, like
somthing is wrong with my eggs or something. What if I am
not producing them anymore. What if I am becoming sterile.
Oh Lord plese let that not be the case either. Please let
me be healthy and stay healthy until I am at the point
where I am ready and willing to have childree. I should be
on birth control but I am not. Why? Because I went on it
and then I got fat as a cow. I really did. I hate my body.
Its like others tell me thaat I have the "bombass" body and
that I should know that but I look at myself and see flab
everywhere. Prm Queen, so what. I am fat now. 2 years out
of high school and this prom queen is a blimp. That is what
I feel like. I also wish my boobs were bigger and
perfect. I dont like them..I want them bigger, but since I
am on my diet and I am on Xenadrine, they may get smaller.
Oh please dont let that happen. I need to do alot of
changing. I am also going to take summer classes at the
University and I have to wrok 2 jobs. I want to pay for
them. My mom doesnt know yet and she is going to flip when
she finds out. I just need money. I have 4 tickets I have
to pay for. Ugh I am so in debt!!!! This is just sucking
big time. I know reading this, all you people must think I
am so psycho because I would think so myself, but things
are just going very crazy now and this is in my
mind...hopefully venting will make everything better...you
think? Until the next entry...chao